and i'm sitting here because mark lamont hill got up and left me. and joining us, our tech guy who's going to join us for the top of the hour. a final thought from you, miss gold, before we go? >> i'm really excited to see the great speeches we have tonight. i'm interested to see how much obama skewers himself. he tends to make superficial jokes about himself. george w. bush was known for skewering himself, how people thought he was dumb or something, so he played along with it. i hope obama goes for himself really deeply this year. >> all right, guys, thank you, everyone. appreciate it. i'm don lemon, our special coverage from the white house correspondents' dinner continues. tonight, the stars are out in washington, d.c.. >> this is a hollywood crowd. >> it's the most glamorous event of the year in the nation's capitol. >> it's so fun to see people from different areas of

expertise, all coming together. >> think my fourth time here, and i love it every time. >> we're giving you an all-access pass to the hottest ticket in town. join a-list celebrities as they mingle with america's power players over dinner, cocktails, and, of course, comedy. headliner joe mchale knows he'll be playing to a tough crowd. >> there are so many powerful people, so many rich people. they've made enough money and have enough power to never laugh again. >> but it will be the president who gets the last laugh. poking fun at superstars, politicians, and the reporters who cover him. >> my job is to be president. your job is to keep my humble. frankly, i think i'm doing my job better. >> now, the red carpet is out for a party sure to dazzle even the rich and famous. i should know. i'm robin leech and this is cnn's coverage of the 100th annual white house correspondents' dinner.

now, here's don lemon. >> welcome, everyone. well, you can say 2,700 people in this room are lucky tonight, but i don't think they're as lucky as having robin leech give you a shout-out. welcome, everyone, to our special coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner and the one night in washington when everyone takes a break from their daily routine and gets along with everyone. this is brett larson, our tech expert. there's a lot of selfies and tweeting from the room going on. brett is going to help me get through this. and the country, because the country has such a low opinion of the jobs that both the president and the congress are doing, these politicians need to focus on on improving their own credibility, so they do what any normal person would do, they invite a bunch of hollywood celebrities to the party. they even rolled out the red carpet, so the actors and the actresses didn't have to bring their own. and lent cnn a little space on it, so we could fawn along with the rest of you. and that's where we find our entertainment correspondent, nischelle turner, and our national correspondent, suzanne malveaux. they're both there, both my angels. good evening, ladies, you're

looking great. >> hey, don, how you doing? >> i'm doing well, suzanne, and nischelle. so tell us about the big moments you've seen so far. >> you know, i think i was -- and this is like the first time we've actually done the red carpet together. it's really exciting. think about this. it is the one night it is acceptable to oogle back and forth. you can have a little bit of fun skpli and lightness with all of this. i remember back in the time, janet reno, we were fighting over having her at our table. she was considered the hot guest and things have changed. it's very, very different than it was before. >> i think i was reading, when hollywood started to enter the fray, it was hall, and that's kind of when we started the change in hollywood in entering in to the party. >> i think it was barbra streisand, actually, don, who made it popular for celebrities to come to this thing, because it clearly is kind of like a little bit of a nerd thing that

people get dressed up, they enjoy, kind of partying, and rubbing elbows, if you will. it's been really kind of a fun evening. but also, don, there are a lot of people who i've talked to who really have messages. they've got policy that they are trying to push forward in the administration. and it's been a weekend of brunches and parties and meetings to make sure that the administration is kind of listening to the celebrity power that, you know all too well. >> exactly. talking to tim daly and wendy mcclendon, they're members of the creative coalition, and they've been spending the last two days, really lobbying to bring the arts back to schools. and so, this was kind of their opportunity, along with, you know, having a little bit of fun, to really get their message across and get in people's ear and faces and really have the opportunity to do that. some people do come here with a message. some people come to have a little fun. >> and there's been a lot of that as well. people have been talking about this. but, don, i want you to know,

too, there are so many different shows that make it popular, washington popular now, "scandal," "homeland," "veep," i had a chance to talk to a number of those actors here in town about their specific causes, why this is important to them. so listen to a couple of the interviews we did ahead of the dinner. >> i think the owners will do the right thing. they understand how important this is that this be handled the right way. and i think they'll do the right thing. >> i certainly think that the obama administration has done so many important things, repealing doma was massive, don't ask, don't tell, but, really, nothing was more important -- everything's important, but nothing was more important than the president himself coming out and saying that he and michelle support marriage equality and that they think it's a just cause. i think that spoke volumes. >> it's the same in so many ways

and different in so many ways. i haven't been inside yet, so i don't know what's in there, but this weekend has had the same amount of glamour. but also, an inspiring amount of substance, that made me really feel like you're meeting the people that can shift the world. and in terms of hollywood, people shift the world, but in a much different way, in the language of emotions and ideals and hopes. >> you know, it's interesting, because you do walk the line about what causes people are here for, and if they're just having a good type. there are still a lot of heavy issues going on in washington. i mean, i talked to senator mccain about ukraine tonight. and i also talked to barbara walters. i caught up with her, because she last night got the intel here that everybody's been wanting. she interviewed the woman in the center of the donald sterling racial remark scandal. the woman who taped the conversation. barbara walters interviewed her last night. so i caught up with barbara to

talk to her about that interview, how did she get it, and what she thought about it. let's take a little bit of a listen to that. >> i've got to ask you the burning question. your interview with vee, number one, how did you get it? because everybody's been wanting that. >> i think she wanted to do it. i think she wanted to be heard. i think she feels there have been a lot of bad things said about her, and this was her chance to show that she was intelligent, that she wasn't a little bunny, which is what she calls herself. >> a silly rabbit. >> a silly rabbit. >> yeah, i heard you say, a what, when she said that. it did seem like she was a little careful with what she was saying. did you get that feeling? >> i didn't think it was careful, but i think it was very important for her to have people know her. i mean, she was wearing the visor so that people wouldn't really see her. now she felt she wanted to speak out. she also said that she thought

that sterling should apologize. he didn't while i was there. >> that was a really fascinating interview, the interview that everybody's been wanting to get. >> have been watching, absolutely. >> so, you know, i'm sure that's going to be a topic of conversation in there. but i'm a little upset with suzanne malveaux, because she stole will.i.am from me at the red carpet tonight. >> oh, no! >> yeah, you did. >> she sold me out. >> i did -- >> we both want la p lupita. we have not seen her yet. we'll see if we can get her later tonight. >> i saw will.i.am zip right by nischelle, but he stopped to talk to suzanne. but i think -- did we see lupita, but she didn't talk, kind of scrambled up the stairs. >> she came and took photos and then she went right in, which is a lot of celebrities do. sometimes, if they don't want to talk. i would love to talk to her, though, because we haven't talked to her since oscar night. no one's really talked to her about what's been going on, you know, since she won the oscar.

so she is the get here tonight. >> she is the get. we'll see who gets her, don. >> stand by, angels! the white house correspondents' dinner, it is the president's chance to get even, and no one is safe. here's cnn's senior political correspondent, brianna keilar. >> reporter: at the white house correspondents' dinner, everyone is fair game, even the president's own cabinet. >> four years later, she won't stop drunk texting me from cartagena. >> political foes better watch out. last year, president obama took this jab at his critics, with this swipe at senate minority leader, mitch mcconnell. >> some folks still don't think i spend enough time with congress. why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell, they ask. really?! why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell!

>> reporter: even pop stars make good targets. >> the jonas brothers are here. they're out there somewhere. sasha and malia are huge fans. but, boys, don't get any ideas. i have two words for you -- predator drones. you will never see it coming. you think i'm joking. >> reporter: but just how far can a president go? jon favreau is president obama's former chief speechwriter. >> these are some of the hardest speeches to do, because the really funny jokes, you can't use, and then there's a whole bunch of jokes that just sound really cheesy, right? because they're like typical politician jokes. so we're trying to get somewhere in between with the jokes, with what you write. >> reporter: it's generally safe for a president to take aim at himself. >> the state of hawaii released my official, long-form birth certificate.

tonight, for the first time, i am releasing my official birth video. ♪ >> we came up with that. it had been right around the controversy over the birth certificate when it was flown in and trump was making all those crazy accusations. >> in preparation for the dinner, there's an all call for jokes at the white house. >> the speechwriters at the white house reach out to the funniest people that we know outside the white house and we ask everyone for jokes and we try to come up with jokes ourselves. usually, we just sit in the oval with them and he reads the jokes out loud. and as he's doing that, he makes edits, throws in some lines himself, comes up with some jokes on his own. >> reporter: in an election year, this podium can be a political weapon. >> it's great to be here this evening, in the vast, magnificent hilton ballroom.

or what mitt romney would call, a little fixer-upper. >> reporter: world events often intersect with the president's jokes. take this one in 2011. >> tim pawlenty, he seems all-american. but if you heard his real middle name. tim hosni pawlenty. what a shame. >> reporter: he was initially going to say tim osama pawlenty, but right before the dinner, he changed his mind. >> we walk in and go over the jokes with the president and looks and says, these are great jokes, i like them all, but there's one punch line that i would change. i think the line's been played out. >> played out? not exactly, he was about to become big news. >> bin laden is dead. the united states has the body. >> i had no idea why until the next day when i find out that the general that the president was talking to was, he was

giving the orders to give the go ahead on the operation to pursue osama bin laden. >> reporter: brianna keilar, cnn, washington. >> and make sure you stick around, brianna keilar gets something special tonight. you'll see it here on cnn. coming up, president obama's live speech at the 2014 white house correspondents' dinner. and for the reporters who get roasted by the president, the experience can have really a lasting impression. just ask our very own wolf blitzer. >> i've got a lot of nice memories going back many years, involving the white house correspondents' association dinner, but i guess what sticks out most is when i was cnn's senior white house correspondent and i would go every year to those dinners and the then president of the united states, bill clinton, he often had a lot of fun at my expense. >> 8:35, breaking news, wolf blitzer breathlessly does a live food from the front lawn of the hilton to announce that dessert

will be mocha sauce. jeff... hey, scott!

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you know, the humor here always has a bit of a mean kind of -- >> thank you so much for watching. we are moments away from a dinner officially being served to near 3,000 people who are in that room in washington, and the president, of course, has a tough job on his hands tonight. this is a showcase for the president. a showoff of a side that we rarely see of him. and over the years, the president has had, you know, a lot of speechwriters and a lot of them haven't been disappointed at him. take a listen. >> i am not giving up. in fact, i'm taking my charm offensive on the road. a texas barbecue with ted cruz. kentucky bluegrass concert with

rand paul. and a book burning with michele bachmann. i'm also hard at work on plans for the obama library and some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but i would rather keep it in the united states. sop folks still don't think i spend enough time with congress. why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell, they ask. really?! why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell?! now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. and axelrod tells me i should never miss a chance to reintroduce myself to the american people. so tonight, this is how i would like to begin. my name is barack obama, my mother was born in kansas, my father was born in kenya, and i

was born, of course, in hawaii. four years ago, i was a washington outsider. four years later, i'm at this dinner. four years ago, i looked like this. today, i look like this. and four years from now, i will look like this. that's not even funny. good evening. you know, ed's right. i work a lot. and so, i wasn't sure that i should actually come tonight. biden talked me into it.

he leaned over and he said, mr. president, this is no ordinary dinner. this is a big [ bleep ] deal. all this change hasn't been easy. change never is. so i've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the white house. he's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. you just have to keep him on a tight leash. every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. but enough about joe biden. in the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even john boehner will consider becoming a democrat. after all, we have a lot in common. he is a person of color.

although not a color that appears in the natural world. >> it's funny, i remember all of these. the dinner is about to get underway. so do you think the president is nervous? what about the headliner, joe mchale? talk about a tough crowd. well, he does. he's going to talk about a tough crowd to our jake tapper, next. your education is built to help move your career forward. here's how: we work with leading employers to learn what you need to learn so classes impact your career. while helping ensure credits you've already earned pay off. and we have career planning tools to keep you on track every step of the way. plus the freshman fifteen, isn't really a thing here. and graduation, it's just the beginning. because we build education around where you want to go.

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all right. welcome back, everyone. we're going to continue on with our group here in new york in just a little bit. but joining me now from

washington is cnn political analyst, john avalon, and "crossfire" cohost, s.e. cupp. i tweeted out the other night, "crossfire" is back. >> finally! >> there's a lot of cross fire going on probably at the hilton in washington. >> actually, tonight, we've decided to put politics aside, laugh at our own expense, rib each other, and just have a good night. i'm actually sitting at a table with my fellow "crossfire" hosts, and we've decided to all get along tonight. >> see? that's what this is all about. finally, there's so much humor in politics, but you wouldn't know it, because people don't laugh enough. it's a good night for that. >> and a lot of times, it's unintentional humor. tonight we get to actually be funny on purpose. >> exactly. >> so will you guys, we have been sort of just gawking at the folks on the red carpet. like, oh, my gosh, i am so bad with names, you probably can't see this, they had to make like faces for me, because i'm bad with celebrity names.

i'm like, there's that guy from that movie, you remember, he played that guy in that thing. >> and don, you just summed up the nature of nerd prom. this is hollywood for ugly people. and so if you can't name them all off the top, it's totally reasonable. >> yeah, that guy from that movie was all over the place tonight. e he was everywhere. >> so was that lady, remember, she played that character, you know that one, she got drunk, and you know what i'm talking about. i saw her too at the thing. >> yeah, she's a lot of fun, uh-huh. >> that's the funny thing. i think that, you know, a lot of people say, hollywood, you know, has a big influence on washington, d.c. but we know more about the secretary of state in this business than you know about the latest action adventure hero, right, s.e.? >> definitely true in my case. i'm really not sure what's going on at the movies, but it's funny, because hollywood and politics have this weird

symbiotic relationship and this mutual admiration club. i ran into jeff goldblum, who is a huge news fanatic, he knew everyone and apparently watches news all day. and he was just thrilled to be here, and meeting people like us, which is weird. >> weird? you see that a lot. a lot of people in hollywood are political nerds, and we've learned this recent years, too, when hollywood stars decided to genuinely devote themselves to a public cause, it can really amplify public attention. and that can be a very powerful thing. and when senators try to hold hearings, no one pays attention. but if george clooney testifies about south sudan, people pay attention. there's a constructive aspect to that cross pollination. >> okay, s.e., you are a half an inch away from a wardrobe malfunction. >> you know what, i've got it

covered. this is all, it's taped down, it's working, trust me. i'm so sewn into this thing. >> was that republican-approved, that outfit? i'm not sure. >> i don't check with anyone, obviously! >> i think some folks at the family research council could be offended, but s.e.'s that kind of bold, nobody cares. >> as long as my mom's okay, my mom and dad are okay, i think it's all right. >> so, listen, i want to tell you, your fellow co-hosts on "crossfire" tweeted and it says, i wonder if i'm the only person showing up to #nerdprom in back of an uberx. he's in an uberx. he goes, limo, question mark, nah, son, save data skrilla. >> this is van's first dinner. he's so excited. like a kid in a candy store. he was excited to see lupita

nyong'o. and i'm been walking van around and his head cannot move fast enough. it's adorable. >> all right, guys. thank you. >> it's a good time. take care. >> see you guys. have fun in the room. >> wish you were here! >> love you. mean it! bye. by the way, she was talking about lupita. you've already gotten a taste of the celebs who have flocked to this event. you never know who is going to show up. a rundown of hollywood heavyweights past and present, that is next. look at that beautiful room with all those folks in there. ♪ ♪ no matter what kind of business you own,

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you're watching cnn's coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. now, here's don lemon. >> that's right, robin leach just said my name. welcome back to our continuing coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. it's happening right now in washington. chuck schumer in the middle of a toast. i hope how it's not inappropriate. you know how those wedding toasts can go, can be completely inappropriate. anyway, the president's speech coming up in just a little bit. we just saw the president. he is in the room. there is the president from "scandal," tony goldwin, part of the goldwin, you know, monarchy -- >> wait a minute, i've got this. he plays president fitz, fitzgerald grant. those holding the hottest

tickets of the year are right there in the room. there's madeleine albright. we just saw our very own blitz wolfster, i mean, wolf blitzer, in the room as well. the rest of us get to watch it on television, which is probably the best seat in the house. you get to make your own meal, sit here on cnn and watch all of us. that lady on the right, i'm not sure if you recognize her. i think that is -- no, i'm kidding, that is the first lady of the united states. that is michelle obama and joe mchale sitting to her left. and she is saying, if you make fun of me -- >> seriously, i have secret service, don't mess with me. you think i'm joking, that's quaint. >> and so, there's jay carney. >> who's that very stern-looking woman next to him? >> i don't know. they haven't introduced you yet, so don't speak. now i'm back with my panel, joining me with my panel here in new york, actor and writer, michael torpey is sitting on the end. you've seen time warner commercials, right? dad, that's the worst decision you've ever made! >> and i take it, it hits me in

my gut. >> there's actor and writer, michael torpey, and comedian chuck nice, we see you everywhere. what's your latest thing? you've got a gig? >> i've got a gig all the time. actually, tonight, i'm live on stage at 9:00. in 25 minutes. so i may leave and come back. >> and our technology analyst, brett larson, is here to join me. hey, i just got -- i'm glad everyone at home is enjoying our coverage. someone said, hey, i'm really enjoying cnn's coverage of the dinner tonight. don lemon is weirdly dorky and hilarious. i've heard the weird and dorky part, but not the hilarious. >> i think it's really entertaining. >> the room is beautiful, the folks are beautiful. we're here to critique. what do you make so far? >> here's the thing, i, first of all, just like s.e. cupp, i, too, am -- would be very excited to meet lupita, because i hear that she is very talented. >> people say her name wrong along. >> lupita nyong'o, or whatever.

>> are you nervous for joel? >> i am a little nervous for joe. he's very dry, very snarky, and very sarcastic. and from what i understand about people in washington, they don't really take well to that. it's something about lego my ego. they are not the kind of people that go for that. but, you know, i hope -- i'm pulling for him. he's a great guy. >> as a writer, michael, are you sitting there going, oh, my gosh, if the president doesn't kill, it's going to be my fault? >> absolutely, a lot of pressure on you. the jokes at an event like this, three possible reactions. if you get a laugh, everyone agrees with you, if you get a groan, then they agree with you and you're a little embarrassed. >> hold on, meet me on camera three, that's your camera right there. you're an onion news anchor, you're with the onion, so cover this for me. >> three ways this can go, really two big ones for joe mchale here. eck do well or not do well. he's definitely going to want to do well. because there are people in this room that can make you disappear. and it's hard to have a career in hollywood once you no longer

exist. yeah, i would just say, i would say, watch out for too many jokes for the guy who controls the drones. >> wait a minute, it's hard to have a career when you no longer exist. they should have gotten you to play captain obvious in the thing. thanks, captain obvious. i can't have career, because i'm not here anymore. >> i need to spell these things out clearly. >> you can. good. i'm sorry, you were saying a drone attack? >> that's not funny? >> what, drone attacks? >> the secret service will come yank you off our set. >> nothing would make my career like the secret service coming to pluck me up right now. come get me! >> but you can't have a career if you're no longer here. >> i need you! >> this is a huge night for selfies. >> oh, yeah. >> excuse me. well, we're talking about -- that's later. >> yes. >> pictures. >> yes. huge night for selfies. not the anthony weiner kind of. >> but that would be kind of a

funny selfie to take at the dinner. like, it's corned beef and cabbage. >> look what's on the menu. >> hey! >> i just wonder if people get the stars walk in and they are just like, oh, my god, is that undersecretary of the interior, mike connor! oh, my god! are they doing that? >> i think one of them said, i mean, nischelle turner interviewed someone and they said, yeah, i was so excited to see -- and i had no idea who they were, and i'm in the news business. >> well, that person was lying. that's a lie. no one is that excited to meet those politicians. they're the famous people. they're the hollywood people. they're the one that peoples are jacked up to see. >> well, jeff goldblum's excited, because he needs another plot for a movie. he's got to get in there and shake hands with people and be like, what is it you do? >> also, jeff goldblum, also weirdly dorky and hilarious. it's a gad thing to be. are >> what's happening right now? someone's talking to the president, he's -- what do you think he's doing? >> he's like, so i got this parking ticket. it's the craziest thing. i got this parking ticket and

the guy was like, you've got to pay, it's a hundred bucks, and he's like, i'm going to meet the president. >> he's like, oh, scloup just came. we'll pick this up later. >> and does obama not right now look incredibly bored? i'm not even joking. there he is -- >> looking really serious. but remember the year when they killed osama bin laden, so i'm wondering -- >> can we just say, truly, gangster? and i'm like michael korlyione style. you were there telling jokes while you were taking out the world's number one terrorist at the same time. i love obama for that. >> and as we just found, he changed the speech, because he didn't want to make a joke about it. >> yeah, he was supposed to tell someone's name with hussein, but he said it was hosni instead. there's ted cruz, with the guy from -- that's "duck dynasty" guy. >> that's a just a hobo. he'll be removed. they'll have him out of there quickly. >> obviously, he didn't learn

how to tie his bow tie. >> there's our mikalah freher that just popped up in a selfie. a multi-part cnn selfie. i like when that happens. >> so many selfies. the way that all of our parents got on facebook and killed it, people are just killing selfies. >> it is weird when your mom likes a half-naked picture of you like drunk at a party, right? >> yeah, the nerd prom is killing selfies right now. it is over. >> plus, it's not that cool anymore, like, when nerd prom's doing it. >> i won't be caught dead in a selfie from now on. it's over. >> all right. so, some of you will be here when we get back. some won't. this was a test. >> wait, i'm hearing the secret service guys -- >> we'll see who gets voted off the island, right after this break. so, and this is just president obama who, you know, tried his hand at comedy -- excuse me, my mouth won't work right now. past presidents have had us in

stitches too. first, cnn's candy crowley shares her favorite moment from the dinner. >> so in 1986, i was on the board of the white house correspondents' association, which this year includes president reagan and first lady nancy reagan. my guest was my midwestern, through and through, youngest brother. i introduced him to president reagan and in that instant, he sort of, he looked at reagan, talked to him, and he looked at me, and i thought, oh, my gosh, i have done something that my brother thinks is cool. and what we have is my brother looking very dapper in a tuxedo, which may be the last time he was in a tuxedo, and the back of ronald reagan's head. he framed it anyway, the president signed it anyway. so in the end, i was kind of like half cool. i'm pouring everg i have into this place. that's why i got a new windows 2 in 1. it has exactly what i need for half of what i thought i'd pay. and i don't need to be online for it to work. it runs office, so i can do schedules and budgets and even menu changes. but it's fun, too --

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welcome back, everyone. there you are! we're taking you inside the room at the washington hilton. this is the white house correspondents' dinner, and we will be covering, obviously, until it's over, carrying the president's speech live and joe mchale's speech as well. that is the fake president right there in the corner. you see him? you see fritz? and that's the cast of "scandal." they have a table there. and that is the lovely room inside washington, 2,700 guests. almost 3,000 guests starting to eat right now. and then, of course, the speeches. all right. the speech given by the president each year at the white house correspondents' dinner gives a commander in chief and even some first ladies the rare chance to poke fun at the press who cover them. here's a look at the best presidential punch lines. >> speaking of real-life drama.

i'm so glad that senator mccain is back tonight. i welcome him, especially. as you all know, as you all know, he just made a difficult journey back to a place where he endured unspeakable abuse at the hands of his opreopressores, se of the caucus. >> members of the white house correspondents' association, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, here i am. here i am at another one of these dang press dinners. could be home asleep, little bernie curled up at my feet. but, no, i got to pretend i like being here.

>> as you know, i always look forward to these dinners. >> it's just a bunch of media types, hollywood liberals, democrats like joe biden. how come i can't have dinner with the 36% of the people who like me? the only thing missing is hillary clinton sitting on the front row, rolling her eyes. >> cedric, i think you'll appreciate this, and you can use it if you want to. see, there was a city slicker who was driving around lost and he came across this old cowboy. and so the city slicker asked the old guy how to get to the nearest town -- >> not that old joke. not again.

>> ladies and gentlemen, i've been attending these dinners for years, and just quietly sitting there. well, i've got a few things i want to say for a change. one night, after george went to bed, lynne cheney, condi rice, karen hughes and i went to chip n dales. i wouldn't even mention it, except ruth ginsburg and sandra

day o'connor saw us there. i won't tell you what happened, but lynn's secret service code name is now dollar bill. >> hey, that is -- she was really good. she was funnier than he was. by the way, my panel is here with me and they're helping me do this. we have an actor and a tech expert. >> right, that's what you need. >> so many people in attendance tonight and some of you at home are covering your thoughts on social media. that's why we have our brett larson here. we have a team of producers watching twitter and facebook and other sites for the very latest and plan on sharing those moments with you. again, actor michael torpey, cnn's own tech analyst, brett larson. what are you seeing? >> all kinds of fun stuff. we've got a lot of great pictures and i've got one here on my lap -- do you want me to just hold it? >> we've got our own michaela pereira is there. we've got some fun photos of

some celebrities i don't recognize, which is why -- i have my celebrity flash cards here. >> give that one to mike. >> that looks like the guy who's in that show -- >> oh, look michael torpey's on here. >> oh, yeah. but a lot of fun stuff. here's what i love about social media around events like this. is, it's, you know, we're there with our cameras, we've got the pool feed camera and everything. >> wait, there's -- >> and we've got suzanne malveaux, and she's talking to -- >> airplanes -- >> i just saw him this morning be interviewed, fantastic. and you know, we've got to put a caption on that, right? i mean -- >> have you ever seen the inside of a cockpit? >> what can you tell us about re-making "airplane" movie? here's our guy. we were just talking to his cohort. and he's with -- >> he's with ambassador rice. and so we've got some nice things being said.

this one, i love. >> mindy cahill. >> and this is elise bothd. >> and that guy on the right of your screen is the president of the united states. >> i know who that one. >> he's not the one -- >> not the one from "saturday night live." >> not the one from "scandal." can you imagine if you have -- what do you sit next to the president and say? >> the gape changed with obama, because all of a sudden, we had a legit, funny president. and, you know, now when you follow the president, there's tons of pressure on you. bush was funny, but it was usually by accident. you know, and now you have a guy who is really drilling punch lines, delivering a great speech. >> he was funny by accident. >> oh, my gosh! >> a mind is a terrible thing to waste, it's a terrible thing to lose one's mind. speaking of that. >> bush may be our nation's

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what does an apron have to do with car insurance? an apron is hard work. an apron is pride in what you do. an apron is not quitting until you've made something a little better. what does an apron have to do with car insurance? for us, everything. so, this is very exciting for me. more exciting for her. because one of our very own is being honored tonight. our senior political correspondent is brianna keilar and she's looking amazing. she's receiving the aldo beckman memorial award for excellence in white house reporting. so brianna, she joins me now from the red carpet. it's going to take me a little bit, but i want to read from the award. here's what your colleagues said

about you. brianna keilar's excellent detailed and utterly approachable reporting sheds light on many of the specifics that have led to the political debacle of the affordable care act. several stories revolve around information or documents obtained exclusively by cnn. the information was presented with rock solid documentation. these stories provide a vital narrative in understanding as they unfold over time in every way, reporting, writing, presentation, and production. these stories contribute content, a context, and understanding and demonstrate both breaking news and expertise -- or enterprise, excuse me, excellence. so, wow, congratulations. well deserved. what do you say to that? >> thank you. i'm just so excited, especially because it really does, don, as you know, at one of these events, it really takes a team to do a number of stories. we did a series of stories, six of them, on obamacare that went from mid-october, when it really

started to -- you really started to realize that there was a problem with the website and sort of the rollout of it. and then we followed it over a couple of months. so i think one of the really cool things about this award and some of the effort that we did, which took a team of producer p i will tell you, is that we were following something that was so important to the obama presidency. this is what he will really be judged by when it comes to his legacy. and we really kind of dug in deep to it. it affects so many americans. and it's such an honor to receive this award. >> okay, brianna. that is lovely. it's an honor to be nominated, i get it. there's a whole team of people. we're friends. we've traveled together before, we hang out together. how do you feel, girl?! >> it's really exciting! >> thank you. >> no, it is such an honor, because it reminds me, i'm so excited, my mom's at home watching on tv, i many parents are at hope, and it is really fun at such a big event like

this. and also, i kind of think back to like, you know, high school when i was covering sports as a high school sports reporter and, you know, you just, it's pretty amazing to kind of go, wow, what a fun night, what a great event, and what a place to be honored. so i'm really excited. and i am geeking out about it. and i really am honored about it. >> yeah. you know, listen, you and i have been at the network for about the same time and i'm sure people will say both of us have grown, but you've come a long way from those days -- remember, we used to co-anchor together and go to cross fit afterwards. you really have come a long way. >> yeah, because you made me do that! and i couldn't walk for a week. >> i want to bring in the ladies now, bring in my angels. now i have three angels. >> angels! >> i've got a blond, a kind of blond, and a brunette. >> i think we've got to flip this. >> he said, i've got a blond, a kind of blond, and a brunette.

>> what?! >> you are out of control, don lemon. you are out of control! >> let's back to the subject. you have to be happy for brianna. >> can i gush about her for a second? because i've only been at the network for a short amount of time, and brianna, definitely, we kind of bonded a little bit. >> we had a fun time. >> we did. and i just think she is a rock star. and i'm not saying it because we both work at cnn, i think she is so, so good. she's a breath of fresh air. and i know i'm gushing, just let me gush, girl, okay, just take it, okay? >> you know what's going to happen. when she talks about a team, right, we're all going to stand up there and just go, way to go -- >> and you know every time -- >> so proud. >> every time you put a story on air, there are so many people who are make sugar it happens. >> that's true. >> thank you to rachel and kevin in particular, two of our producers, who there were times i would be so busy, and they would be reporting and making

calls for me. you just cannot -- it's not like one person does it. it's dozens of people. >> can i call her out, though, real quick? please? >> yes. >> can i call brianna out. last year brianna and i did this red carpet together. and she was very, like, worried, like, i don't want to show too much -- i'm a white house correspondent -- >> look at her now! >> between her and s.e. -- >> a lot of skin! >> her and s.e. are like -- >> i'm covered. >> her and s.e. are right away from a wardrobe malfunction. >> i told s.e., you can just drape a napkin across there. >> i kind of did that last year. >> no, beautiful dress. she can't fiddle with it, you know. >> you know, congratulations to you. you should be honored and soak it all in and be happy. >> this is so cool! thank you so much. thank you, don. >> there's a lot of this going on for brianna and s.e.

up here, up here. up here. >> this is completely reasonable! you're completely reasonable attire! the guys don't talk about it, but it's what they do. girls stuff. >> i feel like i've devolved into a bad version of "this view." thank you, guys! love you guys! congratulations, brianna. thank you, angels. oh, oh, no, hang on. i want the guys to weigh in. i want the guys -- what do you think of the outfit and the award? >> up here, up here. my eyes are up here. >> i guess i'm second juniorist person here. brianna, congratulations. i've enjoyed watching you for many years. prior to getting here, i think the work you're doing is awesome and i'm super jealous you're up on stage. >> brianna, we haven't met, i don't know you, but i think we all remember where we were when jake tapper won his first merry man smith award in row, and i

hope you get your own together, because you definitely deserve it, again, having not met you. >> thank you! nice to work with you. >> brianna is so embarrassed right now. i can't wait for the text, i am going to kill you! >> okay, guys! >> she is so -- >> she is, she's leaning on her ear, like, please, tell me to wrap, please! >> you just came from the room. is there anybody who you've spoken to tonight -- >> right behind us is anna kendri kendrick, who i'm a huge fan of. >> where are you sitting, by the way? >> kind of like to the left and a little ways back, we're pretty far back. it's a huge room. so anna kendrick, i saw kareem abdul-jabbar, who i know you interviewed and he is just -- obviously, he's tall. pretty amazing. and all the "house of card" folks. so if you here -- and there's also "veep" folks as well.

you know, don, we totally here in washington geek out for these washington-themed shows and so many people do as well. so we're like really into the "veep" and "house of cards." >> already, we're having a little bit of fun, but in all seriousness, thank you, brianna, for being such a good sport. >> thanks, don, i really appreciate it. >> we'll see you soon. look forward to the nasty texts. so we're watching the white house correspondents' dinner and there you see in that small little screen, we can pull it up, that is the inside of the room. you're seeing the first lady and also this is the man of the hour -- well, the president really is, but joe mchale is the person who is going to sort of roast everybody in washington tonight. and we are covering the white house correspondents' dinner live for you, we're taking you inside the room, right here on cnn. don't go anywhere. new car! hey! [squeals] ♪ [ewh!] [baby crying]

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i'm stunned.

i spent a day and a half now without sleeping, just because there is so much going on over this weekend. and it's fascinating, for a political junkie, it's very rewarding. and i'm just observing life on the other side. >> very nice. that was a red carpet, and take a look at the red carpet tonight. as you saw, there is no way you could count all the a-list television and movie stars that were on, patrick stewart, barbara walters, the white house correspondents' dinner is starting to look a lot like the oscars, it really is. kareem abdul-jabbar. you know, it's gone mainstream hollywood, but that wasn't always the case. as longtime hilton hotel employees will tell you, it was a lot different when it all got started, okay? so here's -- listen to cnn's erin mcpike. >> ladies and gentlemen, it is my distinct honor and privilege to introduce to you -- >> the president -- >> of the united states. >> reporter: what started as a party of 50 is now the hottest night in d.c.

so when did it explode? >> coincidentally, when i started, 1993, but it was because it was bill clinton's first dinner, they had a very large hollywood following and they wanted to be at the dinner. >> and then barack obama had an even bigger hollywood following. >> huge. >> the woman who's pulled it off for 22 years, julia wisten, mother of father daughters. >> which was harder? any one of those four weddings or barack obama's first dinner? >> barack obama's first dinner, yep. >> that skyrocketing popularity led to executive chef andrew cotes most memorable moment. >> the biggest surprise a few years ago was seeing a couple hundred people walk through the kitchen and come to find out it was all the celebrities. >> i guess the word went out that it was an easy way to get into the ballroom. >> reporter: after decades at the hilton, director of food and

beverage, gordon marr knows stasta stars descending on d.c. can be interesting. >> probably the most bizarre one was sharon stone when she was here a number of years ago wanted everything pureed. >> stone's not the only one special requests. >> the first president bush hated broccoli. >> i definitely knew that. we didn't have broccoli on any of the menus. >> i had the secret service come over here this afternoon and the place was clean, no broccoli. never -- but -- seriously! >> reporter: as for clinton, when celebs weren't audience enough -- >> we did have a habit of going back into the kitchen. they loved it. it was just an experience that we've not had with anybody else. >> reporter: longtime staff also remember clinton usually late. both bushes, always early. and whether they're serving a punk chul republican or a celeb-mobbed republican, it's always a task for the wait staff. he's got a steady crew. many worked the dinner 25 years

running. then, there's this guy. >> francisco pralter, who's worked every head tape since lyndon johnson and will be working head table this year for the last time. he's retiring after 44 years with hotel. >> that's very interesting. so that was erin mcpike. erin is inside of the room, we're trying to get ahold of her, but she's busy yucking it up. so, michael, listen, we were just talking about, this didn't used to be as popular as it was, right? because they just started broadcasting it -- >> i think so. i think once they put it on tv, everybody wanted to be there. everyone wants to be on tv. that's what we're doing here. >> makes sense. >> i remember when i started watching it. and at first i didn't, it was kind of something that was on different, another network for a long time, never really paid attention to it. and then when cnn started carrying the entire thing, that's really when i started paying attention. and i think most of america probably did the same thing. and now it is probably one of the most tweeted about, facebooked, instagramed site of

events of the year. >> i mean, one year after 1998, the berlin wall came down. history tells us those events were not related, but hard to argue with those numbers. you know? >> what are you talking about?! >> in russia, wall brings down you. did he say that? >> i don't know if a transcript exists of his speech, because it was clearly effective. >> there you see the president in the center of your screen. the president is going to speak tonight and we're going to carry that. plus, we'll look at some of the comics that performed at past dinners, when we come right back. if you have moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis, like me,

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welcome back, everyone, to cnn's coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. we're going to take you inside that room at the washington hilton in washington, d.c., where almost 3,000 people are eating now and they're preparing to listen to the president and joe mchale. he joins a long list of comedians who have entertained viewers and attendees a to the white house correspondents' dinner. a look back at some of the best routines through the years. >> also, i would like to acknowledge that earlier this evening, there was some confusion with the seating chart. for a moment, someone accidentally sat governor chris christie with the republicans. that was awkward and i apologize. very awkward. mr. president, you're going to leave office as a very young man and yet the presidency has taken its toll. i don't want to alarm you, sir, but you're starting to look like a judge on "law & order." just say you're on thin ice, counselor, you could have that part right away.

seriously, mr. president, your hair is so white, it could be a member of your cabinet. >> mr. president, i know you won't be able to laugh about any of my jokes about the secret service, so cover your ears, if that's physically possible. last week we learned that the president's two favorite steaks are rib eye and seeing eye. and it doesn't matter if you're black like president obama or white like president obama or red like president obama's agenda, remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? that was hilarious. >> and then, of course, there's donald trump. donald trump has been saying that he will run for president as a republican, which is surprising, since i just assumed as he was running as a joke. donald trump often appears on fox, which is ironic, because a fox often appears on donald trump's head.

and if you're at "the washington post" table with trump and you can't finish your entree, don't worry, the fox will eat it. >> i stand by this man. i stand by this man, because he stands for things. not only for things, he stands on things. things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. and that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to america, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged pho photo ops in the world. >> rosie o'donnell was the president's first choice to be here this evening and she withdrew, citing a nasty and brutal confirmation process. i wasn't even the second choice. dennis miller was the second choice, but he got hung out by

an illegal nanny technicality. but isn't that what the confirmation process is all about here in washington? weeding out the truly qualified to get to the truly available. >> see, everyone matures. everyone gets better with age, hopefully. that reminds me, remember jon stewa stewart, you don't remember him back on the channel 9 days, he had his own show on channel 9, late night. so they're eating there in d.c. fabulous. we read the menu earlier. i think it was filet mignon, and this is what we're having. >> vending machine snack food. it doesn't get any better than that. >> can i have one of those? >> cheetos are my favorite. >> that's really good? >> ever do chili with those? >> absolutely. a bowl of chili with fritos and chase it with a snickers. >> you could work like a 20-hour shift after that.

that's got everything you need to be healthy. >> that's what i do for live shots. where i get that from. >> or 20 hours from an emergency room. >> we had the food thing on, mayonnaise, doritos, chips, cheese-its, and she's thinking, what's wrong with america? i'm saying, what's right with america? >> we like delicious food. >> nothing gets better -- >> let's get back to whatwe we' doing here. they're having a fancy meal. this is our fancy meal on set here at cnn. coming up, jake tapper's exclusive interview with joe mchale and some delicious doritos. passion...

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welcome back, everyone. cnn's live coverage of the 2014 white house correspondents' dinner. time don lemon. welcome. we're going to take you inside this room. we promise you that you'll have a fabulous, fun time, and you will laugh a lot. we always do, every year. this is a comedian's dream, to perform in front of an audience of thousands of people. not only thousands of people, the most influential people in the world. it includes the president of the united states, impressive hollywood celebrities, even the best comedians get nervous about this. cnn's jake tapper sat down with joe mchale to hear how he is preparing for this big challenge. >> reporter: night's guests include the powerful, the political, the posh, and the president. who often tells jokes over dinner. >> the press and i have different jobs to do. my job is to be president. your job is to keep me humble.

frankly, i think i'm doing my job better. >> reporter: sounds swell, but for comedians, the invitation to play at d.c.'s annual white house correspondences' association dinner comes not without trepidation. >> now i've prepared some jokes about president this evening and i'm looking forward to my audit. >> i called conan, i called seth, i called jimmy and i called craig ferguson to gather information. it's all pretty much the same advice, which was, this will be the weirdest thing you ever do and the most exhilarating thing you ever do. >> and stroll! >> this year, the honor goes to joel mchale, long-time host of "the soup" on "e!". where his snarky celebrity commentary has earned him a devoted fan base. >> i'm joel mchale. >> no, i'm joel mchale. >> reporter: mchale has also burst into fame for his role on the critically acclaimed sit come, "community," a show that the suits at nbc have yet to

renew for next season, angering its millions of fans. >> we saved green dale. >> so "the soup," "community," white house correspondents' dinner. was this always the plan? >> this was exactly how i wanted my career to go. >> do you think this gives you a respectability that you didn't have before? >> absolutely not. >> reporter: against the backdrop of washington monuments, from d.c.'s w. hotel, joel sat down to tell me how he has prepared for what might be his toughest crowd ever. >> what i've learned is there are so many powerful people, so many rich people that long ago, they made enough money and have enough power to never laugh again. so they want to hear jokes about them. even though they might not want to be roasted, they are the most important person in any other room, so they want that feeling. >> i think you've got it down. >> i'm going to say that to them. >> the white house correspondents' dinner has been criticized a lot for reporters being too chummy with people in power, for all the celebrities

that now come. tom brokaw started boycotting after lindsay lohan was invited. >> oh, who cares? it's just, it's just -- it's just an excuse to go out and have a fun night and party. i want to hear like, i'm not going to that anymore, it's not what it was. and i'm just like, all right, well, we have way bigger problems. >> are you worried at all about hurting feelings saturday night, or is that kind of like -- >> oh -- >> are you excited? >> no, i'm not worried -- you can't -- if i am so effective that they're like, you, i can't believe you said that, and they storm the stage, then it might be the best joke of all time. but, no, this -- i can't imagine -- but, hey! you never know! >> i'm sure you're holding back. you're to the going to be tough on president obama, for instance? >> no, not at all. i'm not going to tell any jokes about him. >> i'm sure you'll tell jokes about him, but you wouldn't. >> if you become too strident in

these things, in all seriousness, if you become too strident, if it's not funny, it's not funny, and you look like a guy yelling at someone. it has to be funny before anything else. you have to be an equal opportunity make funner of, which is a catchphrase that i and also proper english, by the way. funner. and so if you don't make fun of everybody, everyone's going to go, hey -- and it has to be equal opportunity. >> i agree. >> and in the spirit of keeping things even, once we wrapped our interview at the w., i joined joel as a guest on the set of "the soup." >> there he is! >> where cnn has been before. >> wolf blitzer took on the weinergate story with his usual beardy tenacity. >> we've got chuck todd doing the cold open. >> yeah, deal with it, tapper! >> reporter: no hard feelings. after a bit of rehearsal with fellow guests chuck todd at nbc

and "scandal's" katie loes, it was go time. >> tapper! >> todd? >> from the green screen to the golden curtain of the correspondents' dinner, joe mchale seems ready to go up against anything. jake tapper, cnn, washington. >> thank you, mr. tapper. new yorkers, what's wrong with me? new yorker's washington correspondent ryan lizza, we're having too much fun here. it's almost like we're not working. how are you? >> i'm good. thanks for having me. so i actually just saw joel downstairs with his three, with his three writers. and i have to say, he looked totally confident and ready to go. his three writers were all like drinking heavily and sweating. >> did you get a chance to talk to him? >> i did, yeah, for about five minutes while we were waiting in line. and he seemed like a little bit of a pre-game jitters. >> yeah? >> we were talking about, you know, what this crowd is like.

you know, the sort of inside washington crowd. basically, they've got a very narrow range, right? you can't go too negative on the president or the press, because everyone gets a little sensitive. but you also have to sort of know the inside world of american politics to get a good laugh out of this crowd. and we were sort of talking about the comedians that have pulled it off over the years and the ones that haven't. i won't mention any names, but he seemed very, very familiar with everyone's previous performances. >> all right. well, let me talk about some of those that didn't kill, which many people at home probably thought they killed, but the people in the room didn't, and that was stephen colbert. there was a bit of controversy around stephen colbert. people thought he went too far when it cams to president bush. >> yeah, i think you watch that act now and it's pretty funny, but at the time, i was in the room when he did that, and i'll be honest, there were a lot of people who both in the bush administration and a lot of people in the press corps who thought it wasn't in good taste, that he went too far, that he attacked everyone in washington.

but, you know, as i said, i doubt people who watched it out in the real world thought that. i think it stands up pretty well if you go back and watch it now. >> i think the interesting thing is, you know, just being -- the longer you're on television, the more people get to know you, right? ryan, you know this. everyone in the room knows this. the longer you do this, the longer you're in the public eye, you have to -- you must have a sense of humor at all times and not take your -- and not take yourself too seriously, because it will drive you crazy. so i'm really surprised that politicos take themselves that seriously all the time. >> the first one of these i went to was in the late '90s, when bill clinton was in the middle of the monica lewinsky scandal, and those were some brutal, brutal acts, you know, with bill clinton and his wife, sitting on the dais with the comedian and they were talking about the lewinsky scandal. and clinton, you know, obviously he sat there and took it.

that's sort of the rule, you've got to sit there and take it no matter how harsh it gets. >> absolutely. so, ryan lizza, i understand you're there and you have an entourage and you have been selfieing it up. i think we have a selfie -- >> i took one picture, one picture. >> oh, that is mindy cayling, lupita nyong'o and zoe deschanel. >> and if you look close by behind mid here is the guy who plays the president in "scandal". >> yeah, tony goldwyn, he plays "fritz." >> and the bad guy in "ghost." >> molly, you're in danger, girl! >> they were all very kind. i had the to negotiate and bring them all together in this small space. >> now that i've seen lupita nyong'o's guess, i understand why people are saying that you're wearing the matching bow tie to lupita' dress.

>> people on twitter are really mean, making fun of my bow tie, saying it's too small. >> my bow tie! i need you to get down here and dress me, don lemon. >> it is twitter. they're talking about your bow tie, right? >> yeah. >> a little on the small side. >> nobody got. was i the only one that got that? ryan lizza, ryan, thank you. go back in and have fun. we appreciate you coming out. >> thanks for having me. >> all right. up next, comedian and former presidential speechwriter, ben stein. how do the white house prepare for a night like this? he should know better than most of us. you're watching cnn's live coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. new car!

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all right. we're back with cnn's special coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. and joining me now is, here in studio, michelle collins. she is a writer and comedian, also, michael torpey, an actor and writer, and then there's brett larson, our tech analyst. and also joining us is actor, humorist, and economist, ben stein. also a speechwriter for presidents nixon and ford. so, just want to let you know, the program is going to get started in just a bit, so i have to cut you guys off, i want to apologize in advance. first to ben, did you help nixon or ford prep speeches for the white house correspondents' dinner? >> i helped mr. knicnixon, but mr. ford. but they was at that time in such a bad odor with the press corps, it was a sort of hopeless task. >> ben, how do you tell a president if his joke is just not funny, it's just not

working? >> mr. nixon didn't really make up any of his own jokes. we had a few jokes for him. and i had very few of those. the main guy writing those is a guy named ray price and he was very funny. mr. nixon had an incredible sense of humor, he just didn't write them down. but he had a very, very, very good sense of humor. >> what would you advise president obama to stay away from tonight? >> i would stay away from anything involving foreign policy. i mean, his foreign policy has been such a atropcatastrophe, id stay well away from that and focus on the good things. he's had a very good time with the economy and i woul focus on that and a very likable guy. basically, an extreme lovable guy and if he concentrates on showing his lovable side, he will be very well-liked. and this is a crowd prepped to love him. these are his people. they love him. >> and even those who are there, who don't love him, they're still going to laugh at his jokes, one would think, right? >> absolutely, without question. you could not ask for a better

marriage between a speaker, comedian, an audience, than mr. obama and the washington press corps. they love him. >> i want to bring my panel in. they may have some questions for you as well. ben, i'm sure you heard michelle collins is here, michael torpey, brett larson, our tech analyst. what we've been talking about, too, ben, is this weird intersection tebetween hollywoo and washington and everyone yucks it up when day get together in this crowd, republican, democrat, no matter what you are. >> well, they're happy to be there. it's a power place. i've been to it a number of times. it's a power place. by being there, you show you're an important, powerful person, often show you're a rich person, and everyone wants to be there. it's like the cool kids' table in high school. everyone wants to be at the cool kids' table and the correspondents' dinner is a cool kids' table. >> michelle, this is a cool kids' table you're sitting at. >> and ben stein, my dream in life was to have some of his money. >> well, there's very little -- ben stein has made some very big mistakes and there's very little of it left, so you're very kind.

>> i still feel like i'm in chemistry class. >> you're the money adviser guy and you're saying you blew it all, it's gone? >> i didn't blow it all, but i could have a lot more of it if i made a number of better decisions. >> what was it? blinking? >> did you not have clear eyes? >> no, see? >> that was good. it was really simple, not buying enough berkshire hathaway. i would have had a lot more. >> classic ben stein. >> all my money went to madoff. >> when we're not, we're eating adore t doritos. >> i love doritos. >> we had doritos, cheese-its and that was our dinner tonight, because it was making us hungry. >> here at your studio in l.a., we don't have anything. >> nothing? >> did you even have a makeup person? seriously -- >> yes, i had to pick -- i had a makeup person, but i had to pay

for her myself out of my own pocket. >> we've got to go to the video! go to the video! >> here's what we're going to do. i've got about 15, 20 minutes. everyone sit down. please be seated. please be seated. please, everybody, be seated! please be seated. everybody, please have a seat! have a seat! please, everybody, have a seat! have a seat. please, everybody, have a seat. except you guys you guys can't sit >> i don't really know what to do. should i wave? let's sit down, everyone. >> please, everybody, have a seat. >> i'm so proud of y'all. sit down and rest your feet. >> ladies and gentlemen, we're going to begin our program. we're going to start tonight with one of our favorite parts, which is the awarding of our

awards for excellence in journalism. to help us with that is a valued member of our board, doug mills. a terrific photojournalist, the photography seen on our board, a valuable eye and a good friend, doug mills. >> good evening. the first award of the night is the auto beckman award. the judges chose two winners tonight for the auto beckman award, which recognizes repeated excellence in white house coverage. the winners are glen thrush of politico and brianna keilar of cnn.

>> the next award is the merriman smith award. the merriman smith memorial award recognizes work in both print and broadcast. the print winner is peter baker of "the new york times". >> our very own brianna keilar got her award tonight. so we're very excited for her. >> we were clapping. >> that wasn't the video that we were talking about, by the way,

the big video. that video is coming up. so we're back now, and back now with all my guests. ben stein is in los angeles. joining me here on set is michelle collins, michael torpey, and brett larson. you were saying there, mr. stein, before we were so rudely interrupted by the folks at the white house correspondents' dinner, why aren't you there? >> well, they didn't invite me. i'm not cool enough. i've been in the past, but i'm not cool enough anymore. i'm just uncool. i'm a nerdy, uncool person. part of the uncool crowd. >> i don't like to hear you talk about yourself that way, ben. i really don't. >> well, thank you. i wish i were cool. i would give almost anything to be cool. >> i was in l.a. -- >> i think i -- >> i think i need a cooler car. >> like a chevy impala. how cool -- >> or like an electric tesla car. what are we talking here, ben? >> i don't know, i think the bentley convertible. usually the people at cnn are given bentley convertibles s as

gift. >> someone has played a cruel joke on my since i ride the subway every day. >> well, i don't know -- go ahead, ben. >> i was going to say, here in l.a., it's different. we don't have a subway at cnn, we just have the bentleys coming back and forth from beverly hills to here. i don't know why i'm not at the dinner. i just am a very uncool, lost soul. >> really stumbled on to something. >> this is really unfortunate. >> are we dr. drew here? >> we need an intervention! >> i really am feeling bad. i'm feeling very bad. >> okay, so, what do we think -- what do you think the bulk of the jokes will be about? because there's usually a theme, right? it's usually about some running subject that's in the news, ben. >> well, there are so many subjects that it could be about. it could be about, as i said, the collapse of foreign policy, it could be about the recovery in the economy. there certainly will be lots about donald sterling.

that very, very unfortunate situation. >> i want brto host. >> that's a great idea. that is a brilliant. >> because did you see her barbara walters interview? >> i didn't see it, but i saw her riding around on her roller skates saying she was going to be president of the united states. and you know, the way things are going, i can believe it too. maybe she will be. >> i wish i had bought stock in that sun visor, that solar visor, because i went online and bought two of them. and one of my friends said it was going to be her halloween costume. >> that's a while away. it's going to be like the aretha at. after two months, it's over. >> yeah. >> i can only imagine, here's my guess. i think there are going to be lots of website jokes. we tried to, but we couldn't get the website to work. >> new media, right. new media jokes. good point. >> i probably should have learned how to get that -- >> hold on. >> -- twitter and maybe i'll get

to the cool kids table. >> did you just say -- >> arianna huffington would have offered you a column. she won't pay you, but she'll give you a column on her website. >> i doubt arianna huffington would give me much. i don't think she's one of mine -- i don't think arianna is one of my big fans. i wish she were, but i don't think she is. bt god bless her anyway. i should have learned how to twitter, i should get that bentley convertible that i think ted turner promised he about 30 years ago. >> he won't give up on this bentley. like, get over it, stein. it's not happening. >> i do have a -- i do have an extremely beautiful wife. that's sort of like -- >> oh, okay. what are we talking about here? this is cnn! >> $75 for this hour of therapy that we're offering. ben, what's it like preparing for this in the white house right now? or before -- >> i -- very intense, hard work. white house speechwriters work like demons.

they work very long hours, they work in modest circumstances. they are like flawed children in a dekensian november. so they're going back and forth -- i know. >> let's scale that back. this is like, what?! >> all right, we've got to go to the video, everybody, quiet on the set. video. >> they are the watchdogs. the historians, the daily observers of the white house. an unofficial assembly of journalists assigned to watch with clear eyes and break news. they are the white house correspondents' association. >> have you got an extra camera in case the lights go out? >> over there, sir. >> the sound okay? volume right? all that? >> the founding fathers wrote this job into the constitution. freedom of the press is in there for a reason. >> while i've been having a wonderful time, i gather that

both houses of congress have been having a wonderful time. >> i think the enduring principle remains that we exist and we work to keep the eyes of a free press on the government and on the president. >> sometimes you don't like the decisions i make and sometimes i don't like the way you write about the decisions. >> our role is very much on the ground. i view the association as basically the shop steward for correspondents. you're there to help them do their jobs. >> we deal with a lot of logistics. we're the ones working on, who has a seat in the briefing room. who has a press pool in the motor or the plane. >> one of the great things about our job is being there when history is being made. >> the evolution of the presidency has gone hand in hand with the evolution of the white house press association and the relationship of the press to politics. the white house correspondents perform a vital service in

letting folks know what the white house is all about. >> did you making a mistake in sending arms to tehran, sir? >> no, and i'm not taking anymore questions. i always try to put myself into their position. they had a difficult job to do, and they needed a new story every day. and if i didn't give them one, they would have one anyway, and sometimes it would be one i didn't like, but it was all part of the deal. >> with every president, the relationship is constantly changing. but there is an unchanging quest for the correspondents' association and it's a simple word. >> access. >> access. >> access. >> we have to continue to press for those doors and windows to remain open, so you can see and see the account of history from an unbiased view. >> we're not through this period where there's a great contest between people who believe in the free exchange of ideas and the freedom of the press and the freedom to argue back. we can't go back to a more polarized world where someone can put the hammer down and this is the way it's going to be and

you can't say anything differently. if you try to, i'll cut you off or put you in jail. >> people have to be informed. or otherwise, they're not going to support their government. >> what's the matter with these clowns? >> there's always going to be governments that try to be a little bit more insulate. it's important to push back on that. >> the correspondents association is a reminder that they also work for the public and they also have a responsibility to the american people. >> the press is an institutional part of the white house and it should always be an institutional part. >> we never win. we never lose. it's just a constant struggle. >> when my press conference ended? >> like so many of the zrug also inside the beltway this one started as a turf battle in 1914 on capitol hill. >> all the press conferences in those days were dominated by the violation in mexico. there were no controls on who

attended those press conferences. the standing committee of correspondents in congress tried to move in on the white house. >> they wanted to become the one that would help president woodrow wilson. >> a select group of journalists was formed. >> looking back 100 years and seeing the pictures and hearing the shisry it's amazing how things have evolved. the organization was started by a group of white men, not women, not minorities. a group of white men. >> it was franklin roosevelt who was the first to allow a black man into a presidential press conference. >> he was the first african-american white house correspondent. and it's in his honor that the correspondents' association has established the harry s. mcalpin

jr. scholarship for young and aspiring journal its. >> we had women on the beat but we wouldn't allow them to attend the dinner. it was a stag event that was too baudy for women. >> it was the sense that women journalists were not part of the reporters club. >> it wasn't until 1962 when four women went to kennedy and said we want to go to the dinner. >> kennedy said i'm not attending unless women are allowed to attend. >> how did it change? >> we do nothing but baudy jokes now. >> three hillarys. that sounds like president clinton's worst nightmare. >> while 99% of the correspondent's job is working the beat there is one night a year when serious washington can make fun of itself, the white house correspondents' dinner. >> we started the dinner in the

20ik. >> they've done this before. >> it wasn't televised. it didn't have hollywood celebrities. we had jugglers. >> there would be doing animal impressions. >> we have one entertainer now. i was toying with the idea of having a juggler. >> doesn't get more exciting than that. >> somewhat the key to navigating the icy and treacherous waters of washington humor? >> i'm going to wing it. >> wing it. improvise a lot. just see what happens. >> there are three models. people who do the politics and get it right. that's rare. >> is there anyone i'm excited to roast tonight? if putin is there that will be a big deal. >> people who try to do the politics and get it wrong, that's painful. >> i could say something dirty but i shouldn't. >> and people who avoid the politics like the plague.

>> am i a political guy? yes. i'm into politics. that washington comedy is clean and self deprecating. >> in 1945 you have fannie bryce and jimmy durante. this year it's me. >> did you know the president will be there? >> yes. >> of the united states. >> and he's opening for you. >> it's the place for a president can bring down the house giving as good as he gets. >> known as the prom of washington, d.c., a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom. >> presidents will think immediately this is a chance to make fun of the press. >> this goes with the territory. >> that's not what you do, you have to go after yourself. >> it's not easy to do stand up comedy at these dinners.

i thought they were fun. i looked forward to it. jay leno is here. together we give hope to gray haired chunky baby boomers everywhere. >> we don't want people insulted. we want people to be teased. >> but don't make fun of the press. they can't take it. they are thin-skinned and they don't want to hear it. >> laughter aside, first and foremost mission of the correspondents' association dinner is to promote -- >> your attendance allows us to give back to these students we appreciate it. >> this dinner has generated more revenue for this important scholarship. >> the main reason is for the scholarships and to help he's young people. they are full of energy and the kind of people you want to see going into journalism.

>> having something like this scholarship gives them hope to say there is a resource for me. there is something i can go to. >> the whca provided an unforgettable experience for me. it was a tremendous honor and i'm thankful to them for the scholarship and for that experience. >> there is a future in journalism. there is a need for people to cover the white house and the government. >> i think the dinner has done more good than people think. >> whether it's twitter or the typewriter, the correspondents' association continues to deliver its message, covering the white house sending out the news in an ever-changing media landscape. >> we have seen the start of radio, we've seen the advent of television and press conferences. and we have seen the advent of the internet in the clinton years. >> the white house had a television system that had been

there since president carter. >> and we have seen social media. >> one thing i often like to say is that speed kills. because we are racing faster to get raw information in front of the public. >> it's created a situation where the reporters are under such stress to get it fast and get it first, reporters can't pause and wait and digest any more. they can't be as thorough as they used to be. >> but is it accurate? >> we are dealing with multiple time zones, everything is in realtime and we are working faster to produce more. and the question we ask is still the same. >> i think it's important to have a hodgepodge of voices here. it's not all about just that one story. it's about various stories around the world and this nation and that brings together this one group. >> i hope 100 years from now when we are celebrating the next anniversary of our association

we will have a room at the white house with the association asking the president questions every day and explaining it to people. the media will change but i think the journalism will not change. >> what's clear is our democracy doesn't work unless we have a strong force of state. if you don't have that interaction you don't have a true democracy. even if i don't admit it, i appreciate that they're there. [ applause ] >> all right. that was the video. >> what was that? >> i didn't laugh one time. >> we get it. you are a journalist, capital "j." >> it felt like ken burns white house correspondents.

i was expecting a civil war. >> are we off the mark? weren't you expecting something funny? >> the white house press correspondents congratulate the white house press correspondents. we are dealing with prima donna ego maniac who are thin skinned and don't like to be criticized and corrected. >> that's why you're not there. >> that's why your not there. >> well that may well be. that may well be. but, look, when was the last time you saw one of those people subjected to any kind of moral scrutiny? it's an interesting thing. there is a lot going on in those people's lives that we don't know about. >> that's a good point. my sources are telling me this isn't confirmed. jeff goldbloom ate his dinner with his bare hands.

>> that is not confirmed. >> he could eat my dinner with his bare hands. you all know what i mean. >> this is crazy. >> at least this is entertaining. >> we were looking for the laughs. we were like -- >> this -- i mean, this is like tmz. this show is really most like tmz, following cool people, well-paid people, people are going shopping on rodeo drive. that's about how much interest it will be until mr. obama begins his speech and he will be very, very funny. i'm sure that mr. mchale will be very, very funny. but to see them hanging around and slapping each other on the back and that's not funny. it's sad. sorry. >> wow. >> ben, why don't you say how you really feel sometimes? >> and again he's wondering why he is not invited. can you ever go too far? we have been talking about that. we talked about colbert in 2006.

a lot of people were not happy with. but he is the big guy on the block now. can you ever go too far, ben? >> well, sure, you can do too far. there should be some rule of gentility and some rule of restraint. i know that -- this i know very well. the president is a human being who has a skin. he has feelings. he has sensitivities. i've only known two of them well. they were trying their damnedest to do their best. but they are always trying to do their very best. their feelings are terribly hurt when you call them names. you may think he is a president and doesn't care. they care a lot when the journalists call them names and there should be some self restraint about it unless it is really merited. >> i'm sorry if i ever said anything mean. we are all people. we are human. we have skin. >> but it's true.

they have real -- they really are very sensitive. their families are sensitive. their families still suffer. i think one of my best friends and people i admire is julie eisenhower and she is still suffering because of watergate. >> a super skilled name drop by the way. one of my best friends, eisenhower. >> that's a name you haven't heard from a while, i suspect. >> i think i follow her on twitter. >> is that a name drop or a brag? >> it's brilliant. >> it's not a humble -- it's not a name drop or a humble brag. but my point is you can't do much damage to a white house correspondent. who is calling them names and saying they screwed up world peace and screwed up the economy? nobody. but they say it about the president and the president

takes it to bed with him. i knew linden johnson a tinied by too. he suffered unbelievably when people criticized him as being a killer over the whatter in vietnam. >> so when they're sitting there. >> when they are sitting there in this room then and people are making fun of them over something that may be personal to them are they really laughing inside? they may be laughing on the outside but what is going on the inside? >> i think they have real feelings. somebody said to me once about the famous billionaire michael milkenen. does the king care when someone calls him an idiot? i've never met a person yet who doesn't have feelings. maybe mr. putin doesn't. but he probably does. >> that huge barrel chest, it's all feelings in here.

>> yeah. and i would love to see an event where the politicians start roasting the journalists. i would love to see an event -- >> that would be so horrible and unfunny. >> but, ben, the joel mchale or whoever the comedian usually is they will hit the press sometimes and the president always hits back at the press at these events. >> but nobody is calling the press baby killers or murderers or liars. >> but they don't do that at this event. >> not at this event. they don't do it at this event. but they do it -- >> the baby killers are at the after party. >> the president is very well aware that these people are in the room there can make him look like an idiot or they can make him look good and they are scared of the press. the president are scared of the press. >> they're like are we on television right now? is this actually happening?

and no, we haven't been drinking. well, i haven't been. >> i haven't been. >> maybe all the sugar in the food we just ate. >> we didn't have any food here. but look -- it's a fun -- it's a fun -- basically, it's a fun, wonderful event. it's an event that is uniquely american. we have a super powerful group of journalists and super powerful group of politicians and show business people are all getting together and laughing and scratching and not doing any particular harm to anyone. and to the extent they humble the president a luittle bit it' a good thing. in all what they say in that incredibly not funny video is absolutely right. >> so, ben, what about access after that if you hit the president too hard and he looks out and says jake tapper was laughing really hard at that

joke. no more interviews for you. >> i don't think anybody does that especially with jake tapper. everybody looks jake tapper. however for hannity or o'reilly it could be bad news. >> okay. >> i don't think the white house just slams the door on people who laugh at these jokes at the dinners. but these correspondents you can't shut the door on them. they are too important. there is a scene in the movie "giant yts where james dean has struck oil and he is rich and obnoxious. now the media is too rich to kill. the media is too important to kill. >> great -- >> this is going to be great, right. >> i thought that video was from the history channel. >> google "giant." and he joked about the -- we were talking about journalists and he mentioned hannity and

o'reilly. i was talking about real journalists. >> and behind closed doors if you are going to interview the president when the cameras aren't rolling there has to be some what's up, you're the president. i'm not going to say anything bad to you. >> when you sit there -- >> when you sit there -- >> is that -- that's his daughter. >> tell them how small these monitors are. it is not as big as your 65-inch television at home. >> and there is will.i.am. >> we were talking about -- >> there is jake tapper. there building a bridge to governor christie. >> governor christie is jake tapper's guest for the evening. >> so he really was building a

bridge to him. >> that wasn't really funny at all. you're on the wrong channel for -- >> do you really think that the white house is more important in terms of day-to-day life in america or the press corps is? i think the press corps in terms of the mood of the country is more important than the white house in terms of long term strategy, that's the white house. but in terms of day-to-day mood, that's the media. >> right. >> you're absolutely right. i'm sorry, say again? richard sherman. >> that's richard sherman there. it's so weird because i caught the end of what my producer was saying, the fed chairman. i was like what? >> this is a picture of the secret service. that's not really a selfie. right? and april ryan and there is her obviously with the first lady

wearing a dress that is similar to brianna keilar. >> it's very "say yes to the dress" if you are sitting next to the first lady you're like what am i going to talk about. >>. >> joel mchale and michelle obama were sitting together for hours. it probably ran out after an hour. >> i have had that experience. i was the speaker at the congressional correspondents dinner in 2000 and sat between mr. bush and laura bush for an hour and a half before i spoke. you ran out of small talk but i had a hilarious bit of small talk with mr. bush about what country he wanted to bomb if he could choose any country to bomb. he was very, very funny. i must say.

i'll use in the my memoirs. but he had some very, very funny lines. he's a witty guy. >> okay. well, getting back to -- >> so many -- did finland make it? is the first lady of the united states and april ryan of the american urban radio networks and awarding scholarships. the mcalpin scholarship is what they're doing right now. just wanted to update you on that. that's why the first lady is standing there. they are giving out awards now. these are awards that many people are interested in. this is what the dinner is about giving awards and supposed to help people. >> maybe they should sell tickets. maybe they should sell tickets and they could really raise money for the scholarship fund. people would pay a great deal of money to be at this event and

they could raise tens of millions for this scholarship fund. >> would you buy a ticket? >> i would. so i could be at the cool kids' table again. >> it dependetends on what it c >> i would have to trade in the bentley but if they want to raise money, sell tickets for $100,000. >> bentley and doritos did not pay for any advertisement on the show tonight. >> my two favorite things. >> i would -- >> sat next to the first lady for an hour. >> one-on-one small talk. >> they talked about where they got their tips done. >> i do think in all seriousness, ben, that's not a bad idea, to sell tickets to this event and you could raise a lot of money for some kids who need it or whatever charity you want to give it to. >> the second you let the

outside in to this event it ruins it. it kills the whole thing. >> you think so? >> what if the tickets are $1 million each. >> the most obnoxious rich -- >> you don't think there are obnoxious rich people here -- >> but they were invited. >> i think it's funny we are sitting here with ben stein. he mentioned arianna huffington and four or five past former presidents, eisenhower, lyndon johnson. >> well i'm old. >> i'm glad you said it. i was trying to be nice. >> don't you think that -- my dream host don rickles. if we want to get deep with this crowd and insult you have to bring in a legend. i'm sorry. >> ben, you're saying, you're old? >> i think don rickles could have been -- jim request kimmmy

fantastic. he's a really, really smart guy. >> let me tell you this, ben stein. out of all the guys and out of all the new people out there starting their own shows it's not that i dislike them. jimmy kimmel is the best one of them and his show should be number one. he is very clever. and he's the greatest. and really quick. jimmy fallon, he is very talented. he does impersonations. but jimmy kimmel, there is something about him that is carson es carsonesque to me. >> he's a good friend too. if you are in trouble you can count on him. i have been in times when i have been in trouble and he has said whatever i can do to help you

i'll help you. he's a great guy. >> he is a friend of howard stern. i love stern and listen to him every day. >> he is incredibly funny and truthful. >> do you think they would let howard stern do the roasting at this? >> too dirty, i think. too embarrassing. too many tapes of him discussing sex in explicit ways. but i don't know, maybe the country is changing. how long before there is marijuana smoking at this dinner? >> what are you talking about? how long? i know people who are going. there is marijuana smoking going on there. but here's the thing, though. howard is on "america's got talent" now. howard knows how to conduct himself on a platform in an appropriate way. he would be funny. >> that's great. >> what were you going the say about the pot smoking going on in the room? >> i was going to say there is a lot of talk about pot smoking

for recreational use in the district of columbia so people will be lighting up doubys at this thing in my lifetime. and why not? i guess because they are not allowed to smoke inside. but i wonder what the smell is like right outside the valet parking right now wherever that is. >> this coming from a man who is in los angeles and i mean when i'm walking down the street in l.a. i smell marijuana. what are you talking ability, ben stein? >> i'm saying i think that's the future. i don't like it. >> ben, i have to cut you off. a toast to the president. listen. >> the president of the united states of america on one. and finally for me i'd like to introduce the president of the united states by introducing the vice president of the united states.

[ phone ringing ]. >> hello? >> selina, what are you doing? >> i thought you were the president. hey, listen, are you going to this snorespondents dinner tonight? >> no, it's not worth it. >> who wants to see david gregory crying in the corner all night do. you want to come and pick me -- up? ♪ yellow? seriously? yellow. >> get in the car. >> this is the west wing. it's locked.

>> anybody looking? just check for me. >> no. >> i got to remember that. oh, yeah! >> whoa, whoa, whoa, don't touch the desk. don't touch the desk. come on, let's get out of here and get something to eat. >> this is good. my granddaughters like the sprinkles. >> it's like the sweetest think you can get in the executive branch. >> hey, guys. what are you doing? >> nothing. what's in your mouth? >> carrots? >> don't talk -- >> haven't you listened to anything i said about healthy eating? hand it over. hand it over. you guys, come on, let's move. >> okay. okay. >> busted. >> say that again.

>> it looks good. mm -- >> i just forgot my purse, so -- >> i'm sure there are raisins in here. >> it's a fruit. plus it's more than they give you at that correspondents' dinner, let me tell you. plus i work out every day. >> sure you do. i do too. >> you want to arm wrestle? >> i don't really work out. >> i didn't think so. >> where are we headed next? >> to the real seat of power. >> we can write any headline we want? >> knock yourself out. go to it. >> the headline i'd like to write is selina meier sworn in as president but all in good time. yes, we can all look directly into the camera, kevin. the point is, you're not supposed to. ♪

>> oh. hey, selina. hi, joe. >> what are you doing here? >> getting my tattoo done. you know the difference between a tattoo and the coke brothers? >> no. >> they're both painful but you can get rid of a tattoo. >> all right. let's do it. >> i'm in. >> bring it on. >> oh, yeah. bring it on.

>> hey, girl. >> hey, jay dog, are you going to this dinner thing tonight? >> no. i've got important things going on here in the capital. >> oh, yeah, right, thanks. >> you know what, joe, i'm going to need to go to the dinner. i'm not really the vp. but you are. i'm an actress from hollywood. >> i know. >> so can you give me the ride? >> the secret service doesn't let me drive off the property. >> that makes no sense. >> you can get a cab. >> i got my dress. and this hair. thanks a million, joe. >> good luck. ♪ i do what i do because i be how i be i live how i live because i see what i see ♪ ♪ because i know because i know

because i know it's all me ♪ ♪ i do what i do because i be what i be -- because i know because i know it's on me ♪ [ applause ] >> ladies and gentlemen, the president of the united states. [ applause ] >> thank you. thank you so much. thank you very much. thank you. thank you so much, everybody, please have a seat. have a seat. before i get started, can we get the new presidential set up out here? ♪

>> it's worked before. that's more like it. it is great to be back. what a year, huh? i usually start these dinners with a few self deprecating jokes after my stellar 2013 what could i possibly talk about? i admit it. last year was rough. sheesh. at one point things got so bad the 47% called mitt romney to apologize. of course, we rolled out

healthcare.gov. that could have gone better. in 2008 my slogan was "yes, we can" in 2013 my slogan was "control, alt, delete." on the plus side they did turn the launch of healthcare.gov into the launch of one the year's biggest movies. but rather than dwell on the past i would like to pivot to this dinner. let's welcome our headliner this evening, joel mchale. [ applause ] on "community" joel plays a preening, self obsessed narcissist. so this dinner must be a real change of pace for you.

i want to thank the white house correspondents' association for hosting us here tonight. i am happy to be here even though i am a little jet lagged from my trip to malaysia, the lengths we have to go to the get cnn coverage these days. i think they're still searching for their table. msnbc is here. they're a little overwhelmed. they've never seen an audience this big before. but, look, everybody is trying to keep up with this incredibly

fast-changing media landscape. for example, i got a lot of grief on cable news for promoting obamacare to young people between two ferns. and i'm not the first young person on television between two potted plants. sometimes i do feel disrespected by you reporters. but that's okay. seattle seahawks running back is here tonight and he gave me

tips. don't you talk about me like that, i'm the best president in the game. a little more feeling next time? how was that? while we're talking sports, just last month a wonderful story an american won the boston marathon for the first time in 30 years. [ applause ] which was inspiring and only fair since a kenyan has been president for the last six. had to even things out. we have other athletes here tonight including olympic snowboarding gold medalist, jamie anderson is here. we're proud of her. incredibly talented young layy. we watched the olympics, we can't believe what these young

folks do. death defying feats. i haven't seen 180 so fast since rand paul uninvited that rancher from this dinner. as a general rule, things don't end well if the sentence starts let me tell you something i know about the negro. you don't really need to hear the rest of it. just a tip for you. don't start your sentence that way.

speaking of rand paul. colorado legalized marijuana this year. an interesting social experiment. i do hope it doesn't lead to a whole lot of paranoid people who think that the federal government is out to get them and listening to their phone calls. that would be a problem. and speaking of conservative heroes, the coke brothers bought a table here tonight. but as usual they used a shadowy right wing organization as a front. hello, fox news. i'm just kidding. let's face it fox, you'll miss me when i'm gone. it will be harder to convince the american people that hillary was born in kenya.

a lot of us really are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics. i remember when a superpac was just me buying a pack of marlboro 100s instead of regulars. of course now it's 2014, washington is obsessed on the mid-terms. folks are saying with my sag poll numbers my fellow democrats don't really want me campaigning with them. and i don't think that's true although i did notice the other day that sasha needed a speaker at career day and she invited bill clinton. i was a little hurt. by that.

both sides are doing whatever it takes to win. the ruthless game. republicans -- this is a true story. republicans actually brought in a group of consultants to teach their candidates how to speak to women. this is true. and i don't know if it will work with women but i understand that america's teenage boys are signing up to run for the senate in droves. anyway. while you guys focus on the horse race i'm going to do what i do, i'm going to be focused on everyday americans. just yesterday i read a heart breaking letter. i get letters from folks around the country every day. this one got to me. a virginia man stuck in the same part-time job for years, no chance to get ahead. i really wish eric canter would

stop writing me. you can just pick up the phone, eric. and i'm feeling sorry, believe it or not, for the speaker of the house as well. these days the house republicans actually give john boehner a harder time than they give me, which means orange really is the new black. but i have not given up the idea of working with congress. in fact two weeks ago, senator ted cruz and i we got a bill done together and i have to say the signing ceremony was something special.

we have a picture of it, i think. look, i know. washington seems more dysfunctional than ever. gridlock has gotten so bad in this town you have a to wonder what did we do to piss off chris christie so bad? one issue, for example we haven't been able to agree on is unemployment insurance. republicans continue to refuse to extend it. and you know what? i am beginning to think they've got a point. if you want to get paid while not working you should have to run for congress just like everybody else.

of course there is one thing that keeps republicans busy, they have tried more than 50 times to repeal obamacare. despite that, 8 million people signed up for health care in the first open enrollment. which does lead one to ask how well does obamacare have to work before you don't want to repeal it? what if everybody's cholesterol drops to 120? what if your yearly checkup came with tickets to a clipper's game -- not the old don sterling clippers, the new oprah clippers. would that be good enough? what if it gave mitch mcconnell a pulse? what is it going to take? anyway.

this year i've promised to use more executive actions to get things done without congress. my critics call this the imperial presidency. the truth is i show up every day and do my job. we have a picture of this, i think. you would think they'd appreciate a more assertive approach considering that the new conservative daryling is none other than vladimir putin. last year pat buick than said that putin is headed straight for the nobel peace prize. he said this. i know it sounds crazy. but to be fair they give those to just about anybody these days. so it could happen. but it's not just pat. rudy giuliani said putin is what

you call a leader. mike huckabee and shawn hannity keep talking about his bare chest, which is kind of weird. look it up. they talk about it a lot. it is strange to think that i have two and a half years left in this office. everywhere i look there are reminders that i only hold this job temporarily. but, it's a long time between now and 2016 and anything can happen. you may have heard the other day, hillary had to dodge a flying shoe at a press conference.

i love that picture. regardless of what happens i've run my last campaign and beginning to think about my legacy. mayor realm emmanuelle is naming a high school after me in chicago which is extremely humbling. i was more flattered to hear that rick perry, who is here tonight, is doing the same thing in texas. take a look. thank you, rick. it means a lot to me. and i intend to enjoy all the free time that i will have. george w. bush took up painting after he left office which inspired me to take up my own artistic side. i'm sure we've got a shot of this. maybe not.

the joke don't work without the slide. oh, well. assume that it was funny. does this happen to you, joel? it does, okay. on a more serious note. tonight reminds us that we are really lucky to live in a country where reporters get to give a head of state a hard time on a daily basis and then once a year give him or her the chance at least to try to return the favor. but we also know that not every journalist or photographer or crew member is so fortunate because even as we celebrate the free press tonight, our thoughts are with those in places around the globe, like ukraine and afghanistan and syria and egypt, who risk everything in some

cases even give their lives to report the news. and what tonight also reminds us is that the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance to ask a question. as steve mentioned. decades ago an african-american who wanted to cover his or her president might be burdened by jim crow and once in washington, banned from press conferences. but after years of effort, black editors and publishers began to meet with the president himself who declared that a black reporter would get a kre dent. and when harry mcalpin made history as the first african-american to attend a press conference he was not always welcomed by the other reporters, he was welcomed by the president. harry's battles continued but he

made history. and we're so proud of sherman and his family for being here tonight and the white house correspondents association for creating the scholarship in harry's name. for over 100 years even as the white house correspondents association has told of progress you allowed it to allowing access to women, minorities, gays, and television and internet reporters as well. and you have made sure that even as societies change our fundamental commitment to the interaction between those who governor and those who ask questions doesn't change. as jay will attest it's a legacy you carry on enthusiastically every single day. and because this is the 100th

anniversary of the correspondents' association i recorded an additional brief video thanking all of you for your hard work. can we run the video? >> congratulations. >> what's going on? i was told this would work. does anyone know how to fix this? >> oh, thank you. you got it? >> i got this. i see it all the time. >> there. that should work. >> congratulations to the white house correspondents' association. >> thank you very much, everybody. god bless you. and god bless america and thank you kathleen sebelius.

>> now that was funny. >> yes. >> that was good stuff. >> he killed. ben stein, are you there? >> i'm sorry, with the greatest possible respect the only funny part was when he said assume that was funny when the power point didn't work. i didn't think any of the rest was funny. >> we have to agree to disagree on that. >> that is funny. orange is the new black if you start your speak with the negro. here's joel mchale. >> everybody, here we go. i am the last person standing between you and your after party. so -- in just an hour and 15 minutes, you'll be walking out of here, all right? i'm going to break jay leno's record tonight. strap in. here we go. good evening mr. president, or as paul ryan refers to you an inner city minority relying on the federal government to feed

and house your family. i'm a big fan of president obama i think he's one of the all-time great presidents. definitely in the top 50. please explain that to jessica simpson. you're right. that was low. all right. how about the president's performance tonight, everyone? it is --st amazing that you can still bring it with fresh, hilarious material and my -- my favorite bit of yours is when you said you would close the detention facility at guantanamo bay. that was classic. that was hilarious. hilarious. still going. i'd like to take a moment to recognize the first lady. mrs. obama you have been very kind to me and my family especially when you showed us how to tear a phone book in half with your bare hands. that was incredible.

i would also like to thank the white house correspondents' association for having me and for not being able to book jimmy fallon. that's true. look, i know it's been a long night but i promise that tonight will be both amusing and over quickly just like chris christie presidential bid. i got a lot of these tonight. so buckle up, governor christie. excuse me. extender buckle up. no. i deserve that. i agree on that one. you're right on. allow me to tell you a little about myself. my name is joel mchale. i'm on an nbc show called "community." that's exactly what i thought. i also host a show called "the soup" which is on the e!

network. thank you. to republicans in the room, e! is the deeply closeted gay son likes to watch. for the democrats it's the channel your openly gay son likes to watch. the kardashians are on that channel. and they are republicans, because they are always trying to screw black people. now just the men. it's an honor to be here tonight at the washington hilton. i'm tingling with excitement or maybe that's just the bedbugs. i hope you all enjoyed your dinner. the fillet tonight was grass-fed beef freshly dragged off the clive and bundy ranch. the steaks are very tasty once you pull off the tiny white

hood. you clive and bundy. all right. let the record be shown. tonight's show is being broadcast on c-span. it's like one of those paranormal activity movies. grainy shots of empty rooms interrupted by shots of people you are pretty sure died a few years ago. and stay tuned after the correspondents' dinner for an all new episode of c-span's hit show, so you think you can remain conscious. this is the 100th year of the white house correspondents' association. 100 years ago, cnn was only searching for the wright brothers plane. it's true. and the correspondents' dinner itself is a tradition dating back to 1920. back then, this event was only for men. it's true.

and there is a plaque in the lobby commemorating this as the location of the first ever total sausage fest. #totalsausagefest. but now america is a land of diversity, only here would you find a black president, a soon to be hispanic majority and all 19 nationalities contained within arianna huffington's accent. that was low. it's a genuine thrill to be here in washington, d.c. the city that started the whole crack smoking mayor craze. you guys were the first. i hope he's not here tonight. people say that toronto mayor rob ford is a clumsy mess but he can't help it. he's a big guy. he's like a bull in a crack pipe

shop. between rob ford, justin baby enand ted cruz, you want to tell canada, hey, hey, relax. we already have a florida. ted cruz proposed a government shutdown to protest the affordable care act and everyone else in congress decided to go along with it just to get time away from ted cruz. the tea party is anti-socialism and anti-immigration. so it makes sense their hero is a cuban from canada. poignant. that one was poignant. the vice president isn't here tonight, not for security reasons. he just thought this event was being held at the dulles airport applebee's. right now he is elbow deep in jalapeno poppers and talking to a construction cone he thinks is john boehner. also true. it's crazy to think that joe

biden is only one heart beat away from no one taking him seriously as president. sorry for that one. biden will likely be running for president in 2016 saying, and i quote, there's no obvious reason not to. he talks about his motivation for a presidential run as if he's deciding to finish a meatball hoagie. hey, it's there, isn't it? look, all i'm saying is if the bread is toasty and the cheese is warm, i'm going to finish that thing. jill, bring me my hoagie one, no, not that one, the fancy one. hillary clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate. she has experience. she's a natural leader an and as our first female president, we could pay her 30% less. that's a savings this country could use. who's with me?

hillary's daughter chelsea is pregnant which means in nine months we will officially have a squall to "bad grandpa." it also raises the question, when the baby is born, do you give bill clinton a cigar? you guys sound like you are on a roller coaster right now. there's a heated race on the republican side they are all battling to see who will win over the g.o.p. base and more importantly who gets to apply turtle wax to sheldon raszleson's rascal scooter. jeb bush is thinking about running. another bush might be in the white house. is it already time for our every ten years surprise party for iraq?

as it stands right now, the republican presidential nominee will either be jeb bush, rand paul or a bag of flour with ronald reagan's face drawn on it. bag of flour! people are asking will donald trump run again? and the answer is, does that thing on his head crap in the woods? i actually don't know. i don't know. i don't know if that thing on his head has a digestive system. so speaking of digestive systems, chris christie is here. he's actually here. tonight. wow. sir, you are a glutton for punishment. chris christie's administration cancelled the train tunnel to

manhattan, and they blocked the george washington bridge. finally a politician willing to stand up to america's commuters. do you want bridge jokes or size jokes? i got both. i could go half and half. i know you like a combo platter. i'm sorry for that joke, governor christie. i didn't know i was going to tell it but i take full responsibility for it. whoever wrote it will be fired but the buck stops here so i will be a man and own up to just as soon as i get to the bottom of how it happened. i'm appointing a blue ribbon commission of me to investigate the joke i just told and if i find any wrong doing on my part, aw i assure you i will be dealt with. i just looked into it and as it

turns out i'm not responsible. justice has been served. he's going to kill me. mr. president, you're no stranger to criticism. ted nugent called you a sub-human mongrel and can we take the guy who wrote wang dang sweet puntang seriously any more? your approval rating has slipped and even worse you only have two stars on yelp. mitch mcconnell said his number one priority was to get the president out of office. so mitch, congrats on being just two years away from realizing your goal. you did it! kind of. mr. president, your harshest critics have compared you to joseph stalin, adolf hitler and even satan. i have to say those comparisons

are outrageous. you look way older than those guys. just because -- look, morgan freeman has played a president a few times. you don't have to look exactly like him. you are healthy. which is great every year. the white house doctor checks the president for pollyps and george clooney's head. it's good that white house press secretary and boy detective jay carney is here. i haven't seen him this nervous since the president told him, just go out there and tell them the website's broken. they'll understand. that actually probably was a monument. mr. president, you is to admit

that the launch of healthcare.gov was bad. it was so bad. the website is now the thing that people use to describe other bad things. they say stuff like, i shouldn't have eaten that sushi. i was up all night healthcare.goving. look at my new rug the dogs healthcare.goved on it. you can't get healthcare.gov out of shag. but thanks to obamacare millions of newly insure young americans can visit a doctor's office and see what a print magazine actually looks like. that's awesome.

now over 8 million people have signed up for obamacare which sounds impressive until you realize that ashley did tail has 12 million twitter followers. so it's pretty good. there's a lot going on in the world right now. there's a madman who has had plastic surgery running around an exing small countries in eastern europe and all i keep thinking is what is bruce jenner doing in crimea? do they even get that show there? sir, i think you are making a big mistake with putin. you have to show a guy like that that you are just as crazy as he is. he invades cry nia, you invade cancun. julia pierson, the new director of the secret service is here tonight. yeah.

under her leadership secret service agents no longer consort with prostitutes thanks to their new too drunk to make it to the brothel program. i'm sure she loves that. the director of national intelligence, james clapper is here. finally i can put a face to the mysterious voice clearing its throat on the other end of the phone. he was weird. and to prepare for tonight i've been watching a lot of cable news. i am a big fan of that lesbian on msnbc, chris hayes. he's great. yeah, yeah, i agree. msnbc is a confusing place. i mean, al sharpton is their skinny guy. and cnn is desperately searching for something they have been missing for months, their dignity. totally. that was just that table.

at this point, cnn is like the radio shack in a sad strip mall. you don't know how it stayed in business this long. you don't know anyone that shops there and they just fired piers morgan. thank you. fox news is the highest rated network in cable news. yeah. i can't believe your table is pushed out that far. and it's all thanks to their key demographic the corpses of old people who tuned in to fox news and haven't yet been discovered. former "inside edition" host, bill o'reilly is not here. he did host that. bill has another book coming out soon. he is making his ghost writers work around the clock. bill o'reilly, megan kelly and shaun hannity are the mount

rushmore of keeping old people angry. this event brings together washington and hollywood. you give us tax credits for film and television production and in return, we bring much needed jobs to hard-working american cities like vancouver, toronto and vancouver again. hollywood helps america by projecting a heroic image to the rest of the world. we just released another movie about captain america or as he is known in china, captain who owes us $1.1 trillion. there are a lot of celebrities here tonight. they're the ones who don't look like ghouls. look around. the cast of "veep" is here. that's a series about what would happen in "f" a seinfeld star

actual landed on another good show. the folks from "duck dynasty" had a very challenging year. the grandfather on the show made homophobic and racist comments. but people are overlooking another issue. he really hates ducks. "house of cards" has had a huge impact on washington. what a great show. i haven't seen a southern senator give a tour deforce appearance like that since lindsay dubois in "streetcar named desire." just know that the twist on "house of cards" that it was so surprising that nancy pelosi's

face almost changed. i want to congratulate jared leto and the reporter who wanted to be introduced to the hot chick from "dallas buyer's club" you are in for an interesting evening. richard sherman has had an impact on tonight's event. he intercepted all three of tim tebow's attempts to pass the dinner rolls. and russell wilson is also here. peyton manning wanted to be here but he can only move four yards at a time. he's not here to defend himself. legendary actor robert de niro is here tonight, everyone. now, i don't do a de niro impression but i do an impression of robert de niro's

agent. here it is, ready? ring-ring? he'll do it! mr. de niro i was in "spy kids 4" so clearly i'm beyond reproach. biz stone, the founder of twitter, is here. if any of you congressmen want to cut out the middleman, just show him your penis. not now. what are you nuts? those are my warm up jokes. i'm kidding. i'm kidding. i'm kidding. i want to leave you tonight with a bit of a pep talk. america has seen her share of challenges. but as my agents told me when i booked an nbc sitcom, hey, things could be worse. now, have you watched the news? i mean, not cnn, i mean, like,

the real news? it's pretty bad in other places. by comparison, america is doing great. i mean, this year after months of heated debate and controversy we achieved something that will impact the health of millions. we brought back twinkies. we are no longer the fattest country in the world. now mexico is. don't worry, we'll all be again soon as they all come over here. and what's our biggest concern as americans? tv show spoilers. in other countries a spoiler is i haven't been back to the village yet. so don't tell me who survived the drone strike. no spoilers. america still has amazing technological innovations, google glass has hit the market. now just by walking down the street we'll know who to punch

in the face. in american we see gluten and peanuts as threats to our kids. in other countries those are the nicknames of war lords who have child armies. america is doing just fine, guys. how do i know that? because we are making a fourth movie about trucks that turn into giant robots. why is that? because there is still so much story left to tell. chin up, everyone, this country is still number one in the all important categories of cream filled pastries, face computers and robot trucks. education, economy and the environment, we'll get them next time. and here's why america is the best country in the world. a guy like me can stand before the president, the press, and patrick duffy and tell jokes without severe repercussions and instead of being shipped off to

a gu lag i'm going to the "vanity fair" after party. this is america where everyone can be a pussy riot. this is one of the coolest things that has happened to me ever in my entire life. thank you mr. president, thank you mrs. obama and thank you white house correspondents association and thank you c-span viewer. thank you everybody. thank you. all right. [ applause ] >> so applause applause. and for those of you who watch the show, joel mchale. have you been on that show? >> i have been on the show. >> that was joel mchale. there are mixed reviews on social media.

>> yeah. >> i thought he was freaking hilarious. >> i thought it was hysterical. i'm joined by michelle collins, brett larson and then ben stein is in los angeles. nischelle turner in washington. john avlon is there as well. as well as van jones. around the table in new york first to you, nischelle. >> he was adorable, hilarious, calm collected and the writing was funny. >> as a writer, best usage of the word "ghoul" i've heard in a long time. >> calling them ghouls is just genius. big fan. >> i thought it was hysterical. >> we were looking at each other going did he just say that? but that's what -- i know ben is going to have something different to say.

you did not think it was funny? >> i thought some of it was fun y. i didn't get the joke about lindsay gram. i didn't get a lot of the jokes. but i just didn't get why it was funny. i did think a few things were funny. a lot was sharp and painful. you know what i'm reminded of, years and years ago a psychiatrist told me much of what passes for humor is really incitement to suicide. and i found that -- >> keep it light. >> oh, my god. >> so it was -- it was painful but for me it was painful in the way you want it to be painful. >> you want it to be funny and pointed. >> yes. the gitmo joke was hilarious, the paul ryan, raising your kids on government subsidy and

government housing. >> that was funny. >> i liked the cigar joke. >> that did not go well in the crowd. >> that was too dirty. >> the kardashian joke. >> hysterical. >> that was outrageously untrue. that was just so outrageously untrue. it was dirty and filthy. >> i don't wash the show. brush up on your pornography. it's true. >> just outrage. outrageously untrue. i love cnn and i watch it a lot. i think it's great. i'm on fox a lot. i didn't like the comments about fox. i thought it was too mean. it was mean. >> don't you dare bring -- >> these are the people who are streaming out. you can see all their faces. we'll get back to that. we want to get to the red carpet now. can we see the shot of the folks

streaming out. we saw all the folks from "modern family" were leaving. we saw -- it's online now, cnn is gushing over "scandal." but ben, it's called sarcasm. he was very -- he made fun of cnn. it was biting. it kind of hurt but i laughed my head off. van jones, what do you think? >> are you on? >> van jones are you there? >> hey. hey. >> you guys can fix the microphones. go ahead, ben stein. what were you saying? >> i was going to say, there is humor. i worked in hollywood for 40 years. i started out with norman lear. i thought this was some of the cruellest, nastiest humor i have

ever seen. >> but -- >> all right. but -- but if it makes you laugh. our panel's heads are going to pop off. >> if you can't make fun of everybody and laugh at it all then you can't make fun of anybody. >> it's not making fun of it. it's making fun of it in such a particularly vicious way. look, we've had -- >> but that's joel mchale. that's his humor. have you after watched "the soup" he hits everybody. and it's mean. like you said, this is kind of like watching the tmz -- >> i watched jimmy kimmel every night and he is never that mean and hilariously funny every night. >> yes, he is. >> he's great. ben, you and i are in a fight right now. ben and i are going to continue to fight with the panel as well and get you to the red carpet. we have to take a break.

we'll be right back. >> msnbc is here. they're a little overwhelmed. they've never steen an audience this big before. [ female announcer ] who are we?

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how will you tell people the fish you caught was twice as large as it actually was, hmmm? go and smell the roses! i usually start these dinners with a few self deprecating jokes after a stellar 2013, what could i possibly talk about? i admit it. last year was rough. sheesh. at one point things got so bad,

the 47% called mitt romney to apologize. of course we rolled out healthcare.gov. that could have gone better. >> i told you there would be a healthcare.gov joke. we are going over the correspondents' dinner. michelle is a writer and comedian. brett larson. mr. ben stein is in los angeles. former speech writer for presidents ford and nixon. and then in washington, d.c. at the white house correspondents' dinner, nischelle turner. also joining us is our national correspondent, john avlon is an analyst here on cnn and ben jones is the co-host of "cross

fire." what did you guys think? joel mchale's humor was very biting but i think very funny. >> it was funny. but people were -- at first they were getting kicked in the stomach. they didn't know if they would laugh. is it okay to laugh at this stuff? it is a very different form of humor. >> he threw heat and was an equal opportunity offender. but they were involved in pearl clutching misunderstand humor. it was edgy but it was funny. >> people were unsure at first if they could laugh at some of the stuff but he won them over. >> he did. it was great. >> we heard him. quite honestly, the chris christie jokes i was cringing. >> oh, my god. >> it was rough, man. >> and i was sitting literally here to there from chris christie. >> what was his reaction?

>> he smiled and looked around but that was brutal. the whole room was like oh, no. >> it was rough. it was a full contact sport tonight. >> full contact. >> but that's -- you like political humor. it has to have edge to be real. >> if you are chris christie you know you're going to get it and show up anyway. but that was a body blow. >> suzanne you have been a white house correspondent and are a national correspondent now. that's a tough room, isn't it? and in a way, do you want the comedian to hit you if you are in the audience? >> honestly i was cringing a lot during this. i mean, it's uncomfortable in the room. many times you don't know how to respond. i was surprised how far president obama went when he talked about healthdare.gov and he said it's control, alt,

delete and when he stood kathleen sebelius out there to play in that joke i thought it went really, really far. that she has to -- excuse herself. and in part she is to blame for this and he brings her out as part of the routine. that was surprising to me. >> nischelle turner, there are a lot of celebrities in the room if you want to know who they are, look around. they're the ones who don't look like ghouls. ouch to the journalists. >> speaking from the entertainment side of things, eileen to what john avlon was saying, it was really biting but it was really funny. i was surprise at the robert de niro joke. i thought that was a body blow because you know, you're an actor, he's probably one of the legendary best actors in the business and you stung him and stung him good. that was a risky move for him. the only thing i didn't like and

i thought he was funny. i don't know if something was going on audio-visually, it seemed like he was reading all the jokes instead of performing. that was distracting. he had his paper and he saw it and was reading it. that was a little off for me. >> i agree with that. he had that huge pad in front of him. and it was like reading the torah scroll. >> kimmel did the same thing. but the thing we have to remember about joel is that joel on the show "the soup" and that is prompter and ad libbing a lot. but he is used to reading his material. not to say he didn't write it. >> this is extreme nitpicking reality shows. >> ben jones, i have to ask you something. >> yes? >> don't start your speeches with the -- i know something about the negro. >> that was -- hey, you know,

don, this -- what's so interesting, race was much more present this year than any other year of the obama presidency. but there was a comfort level with it. people were joking and playing with it. not the we can't talk about race or we have to be so serious. there were serious moments but i thought it was amazing how everybody was able to find humor they could be comfortable with race. did you notice that? >> no question about it. clive and bundy was a major punch line and a realtime moment. but one of the best jokes also was when the president said that john boehner had been getting so much heat that it shows that orange really is the new black. >> that was -- that killed. >> listen, we're going to have more of the best moments from tonight's speech coming up. and also i wonder if the president was more at ease

because he's a second termer. >> second-term swag. >> we'll talk about that next. >> i want to thank the white house correspondents' association for hosting us here tonight. i am happy to be here. even though i am jet lagged from my trip to malaysia. the lengths we have to go to, to get cnn coverage these days. i think they're still searching for their table. >> all right, so, he hit cnn hard. we'll get to the break in a little bit. but you know what? i'm not offended. i thought it was funny.

second-term swag. >> he came out confident. he wasn't scared. >> i want to go back to the people saying it's too much here. it seems hypocritical for people who work in the press who are about finding truth to get upset about the truth. these jokes contain a lot of truth and people are like i can't hear that about myself. it's not fair. >> and maybe that's -- there is chris christie. if you take the big picture, there's chris christie leaving the room. >> he looks fine. >> he laughed at the jokes. and i mean -- he has lost weight. you could see it in his face. >> good. >> he had that thing. >> and the people -- if you're going to this, you know they're going to slam you. >> yeah. >> right. >> if you don't want to be slammed, don't go. >> i would want to be slammed. i would be like acknowledged. if you are making fun of me i'm on your radar. that's a good thing. >> and if it's awkward it's

because you are probably doing something bad. you were a bad person and we are make fun of you for it. >> and ben your nickname tonight is grumpy ben. go ahead. >> you can come up with any nickname you please. but the names that he called christie, the mockery that he inflicted on christie because of his weight is unbelievably sadistic and mean spirited. i think his joke about senator graham was incredibly mean spirited. there were some funny jokes. but overall it was mean spirited. and i think i have been working in comedy longer than anyone on this panel by a lot. >> that is so rude. >> i don't know. if this was pbs saturday morning correspondents' dinner i'd say you were right. but what they say in the

business, grow a pair, you know what i mean, grow a pair. >> it is -- look, it isn't, there are funny comedians for a very, very long time. the viciousness of tonight's attack on christie was just amazing -- >> he ate it up just like everything else. >> i got to say -- i have seen more viciousness from press people against politicians. >> and the thing is too every year instant of the correspondents' dinner maybe they should call it a roast. if you have ever seen a comedy central roast this reminds me of that without the curse words. but, ben, he also hit donald trump, that thing on his head i don't know if it has a digestive system. >> it's not the same as endlessly smacking christie. everyone knows he is overweight. but to hit him over and over

again. >> he is an easy target. >> if they had an easy target over an over again i don't think that shows witty comedic genius. to hit an easy target with schoolyard mockery is not particularly genius. >> suzanne give me a good moment from tonight. what did you like most about tonight? >> what i really like is how he is playing hillary and mike off each other. i thought that was interesting, the comment about the shoe and how he liked the shoe and hillary was smacked with the shoe. i thought he was trying to be provocative when he talked about hillary and the republicans were going to have a hard time going after hillary being born in kenya. and she was going to be the one they have to deal with. i like how he played them off

each other. >> nischelle? >> i hope i have a job on monday. but i thought the cnn jokes were funny. i think we have to laugh at ourselves. i thought i had to go to malaysia to get coverage on cnn. i laughed at that. >> john avlon? >> there was a great video with joe biden and julie lou louis-dreyfus that was funny as hell and both parties got their due tonight. it was an equal opportunity offending night. it was funny. >> mr. jones? >> michelle obama looked amazing. she did something like -- she had uber bangs. she was on it tonight. >> i hope your wife is not watching. she's not going to let you go back to the white house. >> i have just a few seconds left. i thought it was funny. i know it was -- it may have

been biting for a lot of people but that's what it is. >> it's what the event has become. and roasts -- he is up there with elaine boozeler. >> here's the thing too. when republicans are in offense, the democrats get the brunt of it. and that's the way of the world. that's how i feel. >> i want to thank all of my guests tonight especially mr. ben stein who is in l.a. and a little gruchy tonight. that's okay. we love you, ben. and thank you nischelle and michael and everybody in washington. i appreciate you. and robin leech. i'm don lemon. thank you for watching cnn's coverage of the white house correspondents' dinner. good night.

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you're watching cnn's live coverage of the 100th annual white house correspondents' dinner. now here, don lemon. >> that's right, robin leach just said my name. chuck schumer in the middle of a toast. i hope it's not inappropriate. you know how those wedding toasts can go. the president's speech is coming up in a little bit. the president is in the room. there is the president is from "scandal." tony goldwyn. >> and he plays president fitz.

fitzgera fitzgerald grant. >> those with the hottest tickets in the year are right there. there is madeleine albright. we saw wolf blitzer as well. is that diane lane? you get to sit here on cnn. that is the first lady of the united states and joel mchale to her left and she is saying if you make fun of me. >> no, i have secret service. you think i'm joking. that's quaint. >> there is jay carney. >> joining me is my panel. michael, you have seen time warner commercials.

and chuck nice. what is your latest thing? >> i have a gig all the time. tonight i'm live on stage at 9:00. >> in 25 minutes. >> so ime leave and come back. >> and our technology analyst brett larson is here to join me. >> everyone is enjoying our coverage. someone said i'm enjoying the coverage tonight, don lemon is weirdly dorky and hilarious. >> i'd take it. >> how are we doing? >> the room is beautiful and we are here to critique. what do you make so far? >> here's the thing. just like s.e. cupp i too would be very excited to meet lupita. because i hear that she is very talented. >> people say her name long.

. >> are you nervous for joel? >> i am because this is not a room -- he is very dry and very snarky and sarcastic and people in washington don't take well to that. lego my ego. but i'm pulling for him because he's a great guy. >> as a writer are you going if the president doesn't kill it's going to be my fault? >> a lot of pressure on you. the jokes at an event get three possible reactions if you get a laugh everyone agrees with you. if you get a groan they agree but they are embarrassed. >> you are an onion news anchor. so cover this for me. >> three ways this can go. two big ones for joel mchale. he can do well or not do well. he is going to want to do well. there are people in this room that can make you disappear.

it's hard to have a career in hollywood once you no longer exist. >> i just say watch yourself with the jokes. too many jokes before the guy who controls the drones is not a good thing. >> thanks captain obvious. i can't have a career because i'm not sheer any more. >> you were saying a drone attack? that's not funny. >> drone attacks? >> the secret service will yank you off our set. >> nothing would make my career than the secret service plucking me up right now. >> you can't have a career you're no longer here. >> this is a huge night for selfies. >> oh, yeah. >> that's later. >> pictures. we're talking about photos.

>> that would be a funny selfie to take at the dinner. corned beef and cabbage. >> look at what is on the menu. >> i wonder if the stars walk in and are like is that undersecretary of the interior mike conner? oh, my god. are they doing that? >> one of them -- nischelle turner said -- i'm in the news business and i don't know who that was. >> that person was lying. no one is excited to meet those politicians. they're the famous people. they are the ones that people are jacked up to see. >> jeff goldbloom is excited. he wanted to shake hands with people and say what do you do? >> jeff goldbloom is weirdly dorky and hilarious.

>> so i got this parking ticket and the guy was like you got to pay it. it's 100 bucks and i'm like i got to meet the president. >> oh, the soup. let's pick this up later. >> does not mr. obama look incredibly bored? does he not look like -- remember the year when they killed osama bin laden? >> can we just say truly gangster. you were standing there telling jokes while you were taking out the world's greatest terrorist. >> and he changed the speech. >> that's the duck dynasty guy. >> that's just a hobo.

he'll be removed. they'll have him out of there quickly. >> obviously, he didn't learn how to tie his bow tie. >> there's our mikalah freher that just popped up in a selfie. a multi-part cnn selfie. i like when that happens. >> so many selfies. the way that all of our parents got on facebook and killed it, people are just killing selfies. they are done -- >> it is weird when your mom likes a half-naked picture of you like drunk at a party, right? >> yeah, the nerd prom is killing selfies right now. it is over. >> plus, it's not that cool anymore, like, when nerd prom's doing it. >> i won't be caught dead in a selfie from now on. it's over. >> all right. so, some of you will be here when we get back. some won't. this was a test. >> wait, i'm hearing the secret service guys -- >> we'll see who gets voted off the island, right after this break. so, and this is just president obama who, you know, tried his hand at comedy -- excuse me, my mouth won't work right now. past presidents have had us in stitches too.

i'm going to be voted off the island. first, cnn's candy crowley shares her favorite moment from the dinner. >> so in 1986, i was on the board of the white house correspondents' association, which this year includes president reagan and first lady nancy reagan. my guest was my midwestern, through and through, youngest brother. i introduced him to president reagan and in that instant, he sort of, he looked at reagan, talked to him, and he looked at me, and i thought, oh, my gosh, i have done something that my brother thinks is cool. and what we have is my brother looking very dapper in a tuxedo, which may be the last time he was in a tuxedo, and the back of ronald reagan's head. he framed it anyway, the president signed it anyway. so in the end, i was kind of like half cool. ly, i'm pouring g i have into this place. that's why i got a new windows 2 in 1. it has exactly what i need for half of what i thought i'd pay. and i don't need to be online for it to work. it runs office, so i can do schedules and budgets and even menu changes.

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welcome back, everyone. there you are! we're taking you inside the room at the washington hilton. this is the white house correspondents' dinner, and we will be covering, obviously, until it's over, carrying the president's speech live and joe mchale's speech as well. look at those famous faces in the room. that is the fake president right there in the corner. you see him? you see fritz? and that's the cast of "scandal." they have a table there. and that is the lovely room inside washington, 2,700 guests. almost 3,000 guests starting to eat right now. and then, of course, the speeches. who are these people? no one i know. all right. the speech given by the president each year at the white house correspondents' dinner gives a commander in chief and even some first ladies the rare chance to poke fun at the press who cover them. here's a look at the best presidential punch lines. >> speaking of real-life drama.

i'm so glad that senator mccain is back tonight. i welcome him, especially. as you all know, as you all know, he just made a difficult journey back to a place where he endured unspeakable abuse at the hands of his opressers, senate of the caucus. >> members of the white house correspondents' association, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, here i am. here i am at another one of these dang press dinners. could be home asleep, little bernie curled up at my feet. but, no, i got to pretend i like being here.

>> as you know, i always look forward to these dinners. >> it's just a bunch of media types, hollywood liberals, democrats like joe biden. how come i can't have dinner with the 36% of the people who like me? the only thing missing is hillary clinton sitting on the front row, rolling her eyes. >> cedric, i think you'll appreciate this, and you can use it if you want to. see, there was a city slicker who was driving around lost and he came across this old cowboy. and so the city slicker asked the old guy how to get to the nearest town -- >> not that old joke. not again.

>> ladies and gentlemen, i've been attending these dinners for years, and just quietly sitting there. well, i've got a few things i want to say for a change. one night, after george went to bed, lynne cheney, condi rice, karen hughes and i went to chip -- chippendales. i wouldn't even mention it, except ruth ginsburg and sandra day o'connor saw us there.

i won't tell you what happened, but lynne's secret service code name is now dollar bill. >> hey, that is -- she was really good. she was funnier than he was. by the way, my panel is here with me and they're helping me do this. we have an actor and a tech expert. >> right, that's what you need. >> so many people in attendance tonight and some of you at home are sharing your thoughts on social media. that's why we have our brett larson here. we have a team of producers watching twitter and facebook and other sites for the very latest and plan on sharing those moments with you. again, actor michael torpey, cnn's own tech analyst, brett larson. what are you seeing? >> all kinds of fun stuff. we've got a lot of great pictures and i've got one here on my lap -- do you want me to just hold it? i'm kidding. >> we've got our own michaela pereira is there. she's going to be there tonight. she's in the audience.

we've got some fun photos of some celebrities i don't recognize, which is why -- i have my celebrity flash cards here. >> give that one to mike. >> that looks like the guy who's in that show -- >> oh, look michael torpey's on here. >> oh, yeah. but a lot of fun stuff. here's what i love about social media around events like this. is, it's, you know, we're there with our cameras, we've got the pool feed camera and everything. and then people gehl get -- get -- >> and we've got suzanne malveaux, and she's talking to -- >> airplanes -- >> i just saw him this morning be interviewed, fantastic. and you know, we've got to put a caption on that, right? i mean -- >> have you ever seen the inside of a cockpit? >> what can you tell us about re-making "airplane" movie? here's our guy. we were just talking to his cohort. and he's with -- >> he's with ambassador rice. and so we've got some nice things being said. this one, i love. >> mindy cahill.

>> mindy kayling kale -- mindee kaling. >> and that guy on the right of your screen is the president of the united states. >> i know who that one. >> he's not the one -- >> not the one from "saturday night live." >> not the one from "scandal." can you imagine if you have -- what do you sit next to the president and say? >> the game changed with obama. because all of a sudden, we had a legit, funny president. and, you know, now when you follow the president, there's tons of pressure on you. bush was funny, but it was usually by accident. you know, and now you have a guy who is really drilling punch lines, delivering a great speech. >> he was funny by accident. >> oh, my gosh! >> a mind is a terrible thing to waste, it's a terrible thing to lose one's mind. speaking of that. >> bush may be our nation's greatest accidental comedian. >> still ahead, how is comedian

jake tapper tracked down this year's headliner. joel mchale is preparing to go hard on tonight's crowd without being thrown out of the room? that's coming up, next. if you have moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis, like me, and you're talking to your rheumatologist about a biologic... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain. this is humira helping me lay the groundwork. this is humira helping to protect my joints

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yup. all five of you for $175. our clients need a lot of attention. there's unlimited talk and text. we're working deals all day. you get 10 gigabytes of data to share. what about expansion potential? add a line anytime for 15 bucks a month. low dues... great terms... let's close. new at&t mobile share value plans. our best value plans ever for business. so, this is very exciting for me. more exciting for her. because one of our very own is being honored tonight. our senior political correspondent is brianna keilar and she's looking amazing. she's receiving the aldo beckman memorial award for excellence in white house reporting. so brianna, she joins me now from the red carpet. it's going to take me a little bit, but i want to read from the award. here's what your colleagues said about you. brianna keilar's excellent detailed and utterly approachable reporting sheds

light on many of the specifics that have led to the political debacle of the affordable care act. several stories revolve around information or documents obtained exclusively by cnn. the material is presented with vivid clarity, vivid production values and rock-solid documentation. the information was presented with rock solid documentation. these stories provide a vital narrative in understanding as they unfold over time in every way, reporting, writing, presentation, and production. these stories contribute content, a context, and understanding and demonstrate both breaking news and expertise -- or enterprise, excuse me, excellence. so, wow, congratulations. well deserved. what do you say to that? >> thank you. i'm just so excited, especially because it really does, don, as you know, at one of these events, it really takes a team to do a number of stories. we did a series of stories, six of them, on obamacare that went from mid-october, when it really started to -- you really started to realize that there was a

problem with the website and sort of the rollout of it. and then we followed it over a couple of months. so i think one of the really cool things about this award and some of the effort that we did, which took a team of producers, i will tell you, is that we were following something that was so important to the obama presidency. this is what he will really be judged by when it comes to his legacy. and we really kind of dug in deep to it. it affects so many americans. and it's such an honor to receive this award. >> okay, brianna. that is lovely. it's an honor to be nominated, i get it. there's a whole team of people. we're friends. we've traveled together before, we hang out together. how do you feel, girl?! >> it's really exciting! >> thank you. >> no, it is such an honor, because it reminds me, i'm so excited, my mom's at home watching on it have. my parents are at home, and it

really is fun at such a big event like this. and also, i kind of think back to like, you know, high school when i was covering sports as a high school sports reporter and, you know, you just, it's pretty amazing to kind of go, wow, what a fun night, what a great event, and what a place to be honored. so i'm really excited. and i am geeking out about it. and i really am honored about it. >> yeah. you know, listen, you and i have been at the network for about the same time and i'm sure people will say both of us have grown, but you've come a long way from those days -- remember, we used to co-anchor together and go to cross fit afterwards. you really have come a long way. >> yeah, because you made me do that! and i couldn't walk for a week. >> i want to bring in the ladies now, bring in my angels. now i have three angels. >> angels! >> i've got a blond, a kind of blond, and a brunette. >> i think we've got to flip this. >> he said, i've got a blond, a kind of blond, and a brunette. >> what?! >> you are out of control, don lemon.

you are out of control! >> let's get back to the subject. you have to be happy for s brianna. >> can i gush about her for a second? because i've only been at the network for a short amount of time, and brianna, definitely, we kind of bonded a little bit. >> we had a fun time. >> we did. and i just think she is a rock star. and i'm not saying it because we both work at cnn, i think she is so, so good. she's a breath of fresh air. and i know i'm gushing, just let me gush, girl, okay, just take it, okay? >> you know what's going to happen. when she talks about a team, right, we're all going to stand up there and just go, way to go -- >> and you know every time -- >> so proud. >> every time you put a story on air, there are so many people who are making sure it happens. >> that's true. >> thank you to rachel and kevin in particular, two of our producers, who there were times i would be so busy, and they would be reporting and making calls for me. you just cannot -- it's not like one person does it. it's dozens of people.

>> can i call her out, though, real quick? please? >> yes. >> can i call brianna out. last year brianna and i did this red carpet together. and she was very, like, worried, like, i don't want to show too much -- i'm a white house correspondent -- >> look at her now! >> between her and s.e. -- >> a lot of skin! >> her and s.e. are like -- >> i'm covered. >> excuse me. >> her and s.e. are right away from a wardrobe malfunction. >> i told s.e., you can just drape a napkin across there. >> i kind of did that last year. >> no, beautiful dress. she can't fiddle with it, you know. >> you know, congratulations to you. you should be honored and soak it all in and be happy. >> this is so cool! thank you so much. thank you, don. >> there's a lot of this going on for brianna and s.e. up here, up here. up here.

>> this is completely reasonable! you're completely reasonable attire! the guys don't talk about it, but it's what they do. girls spanx stuff. >> i feel like i've devolved into a bad version of "the view." thank you, guys! love you guys! congratulations, brianna. thank you, angels. oh, oh, no, hang on. i want the guys to weigh in. i want the guys -- what do you think of the outfit and the award? >> up here, up here. my eyes are up here. >> i guess i'm second juniorist person here. brianna, congratulations. i've enjoyed watching you for many years. prior to getting here, i think the work you're doing is awesome and i'm super jealous you're up on stage. >> brianna, we haven't met, i don't know you, but i think we all remember where we were when jake tapper won his third

merriman smith award in a row, and i hope you can get your own together because you definitely deserve it again, having not met you. >> thank you! nice to work with you. >> brianna is so embarrassed right now. i can't wait for the text, i am going to kill you! >> okay, guys! >> she is so -- >> she is, she's leaning on her ear, like, please, tell me to wrap, please! >> you just came from the room. is there anybody who you've spoken to tonight -- >> right behind us is anna kendrick, who i'm a huge fan of. >> where are you sitting, by the way? >> kind of like to the left and a little ways back, we're pretty far back. it's a huge room. so anna kendrick, i saw kareem abdul-jabbar, who i know you interviewed and he is just -- obviously, he's tall. pretty amazing. and all the "house of cards" folks. so if you here -- and there's also "veep" folks as well. you know, don, we totally here in washington geek out for these washington-themed shows and so

many people do as well. so we're like really into the "veep" and "house of cards." >> already, we're having a little bit of fun, but in all seriousness, thank you, brianna, for being such a good sport. >> thanks, don, i really appreciate it. >> okay. so we're watching the white house correspondent dinner and there you see in that small little screen we can probably pull it up. that is the inside of the room you're seeing the first lady and also this is the man of the hour. well, the president really is but joe mchale is the person who's sort of going roast everybody in washington tonight. we're covering the white house correspondent's dinner live for you. we're taking you inside the room right here on cnn. don't go anywhere. ♪ ding ♪ do you have something for pain?

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i'm stunned. i've spent a did a and a half now without sleeping because

there is so much going on over this week end. it's fascinating for a political junkie. it's really rewarding and i'm just observing life on the other side. >> very nice. that was the red carpet and take a look at the red carpet tonight if you saw. there is no way you could count all the a list television and movie stars that were on. there's patrick stuart. there are tons of them. of course there's barbara walters. the white house correspondent's dinner is starting to look a lot like the oscars. it has gone mainstream hollywood. that wasn't always the case as long time hilton employees will tell you it was a lot different when it all got started. so listen to cnn's eric mcpike. >> lids a your honor s >> lady and gentlemen, it is my distinct privilege to introduce to you the president of the united states. >> reporter: who started as a

party of 50 is now the hottest night in d.c. when did it explode. >> 1993 but it was because it was bill clinton's first dinner. they had a very large hollywood following. they wanted to be at the dinner. >> and then barack obama had an even bigger hollywood following. >> huge. >> the woman who has pulled it off for 22 years, julia wiston, mother of four daughters. >> which was harder any one of those four weddings or barack obama's first dinner, obama's first dinner. >> that sky rocketing popularity red to the executive chef's most memorable moment. >> the biggest surprise was a few years ago seeing a couple hundred people walk through the kitchen and come to find out it was all the celebities. >> i guess the word out that it was april easy way to get into the ball room. >> after decades of the hilton the director of food and

beverage, stars descending on d.c. can be interesting. >> probably the most bizarre one was sharon stone when she was here a few years ago wanted things purade. >> the first president bush hated broccoli. >> i definitely knew that so we didn't have broccoli on any of the men use. >> i had the secret service come over here. the place was clean. no broccoli but seriously. as for clinton when celebs weren't audience enough, we did have the habit of going back into the kitchen. they loved it. it was just an experience that we've not had with anybody else. >> long time staff also remember clinton usually late. both bushes always early. and whether they are serving a punctu punctual republican or a democrat, director kevin oe sha say he's got a steady crew. many worked the dinner 25 years

runni running. >> and then there's this guy. >> he's worked very table since linden johnson. >> for the last time. >> he's retiring after 44 years with the hotel. >> that's very interesting so that was erin mcpike. erin is inside of the room. we're trying to get ahold of her. this didn't used to be as popular as it was because they just started broadcasting it. >> i think so. once then put it on tv then everybody wanted to be there. everybody wants to be on tv. this is what we're doing here. it makes sense. >> i remember when i started watching it, at first it was something that was on a different -- another network for a long time. never really paid attention to it and when cnn started carrying the entire thing, that's really when i started paying attention. i think most of america probably did the same thing and now it is probably one of the most tweeted about, facebooked, instagramed

events of the year. >> yeah, he gave the spear in 1988. one year later the berlin wall came down. history tells us that those events were not related but it's hard to argue with those numbers. you know? >> what are you talking about? i don't know if a transcript exists of his speech but it was clearly effective. >> so there you see the president of course in the center of your screen he's going to speak tonight. we're going to carry that for you plus we will look at some of the comics that performed at past dinners when we come back.

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welcome back everyone to cnn's live coverage of the 2014 white house correspondent's dinner. i'm don lemon. welcome we're going to take you inside this room. we promise you that you'll have a februaabulous fun time and yo laugh a lot. this is a comedian's dream to perform in front of an audience of thousands of people. including the most influential people in the include including the president of the united states and hollywood. cnn's take tapper sad down with joe mchale to here how he's preparing for this big challenge. >> tonight's guest include the powerful, the political, the posh and the president who often tells jokes over dinner. >> the president and have different jobs to do. my job is to be president. your job is to keep me humble. frankly, i think i'm doing my job better. >> it sounds swell but for

comedians, the invitation to play at d.c.'s annual white house correspondent's association dinner comes not without trepidation. i've made some jokes about the president this evening and i'm looking for to my audit. >> i called seth, jimmy, and i called craig ferguson to gather information. it's all pretty same the same advice. this will be the weirdest and most exhilarating you'll ever do. this year is goes to joe mchale where his snarky celebrity commentary has earned him a fan base. mchale has also burst into fame for his role on the critically acclaimed community. a show that the suits at nbc have yet to renew for next season angering millions of

fans. >> so the soup community, white house correspondent's dinner was this always the plan? >> this was exactly how i wanted my career to go. do you think this gives you respectability that you didn't have before. >> absolutely not. >> against a back drop of washington monuments from d.c.'s w hotel. joel sat down to tell me how he's prepared for what might be his toughest crowd ever. >> what i learned that there might be so many powerful people, so many rich people who might want to hear jokes about them. evening though they might not want to be roasted they are the most important person in that room so they want that feeling. >> the white house correspondent's dinner has been criticized a lot for reporters being too chummy with people in power for all the clelebrities that now come.

tom brocaw boycotted off lindsey low han was invited. when i hear i'm not going to that anymore. it's not what it was. we have way bigger problems. >> are you worried at all hurting feelings saturday night or is that kind of like -- are you excited? >> no you can't. if i'm so effective that i got -- you can't believe you've said that and they storm the stage, then it might be the best joke of all time but no, this -- i can't imagine but hey, you never know. >> but i'm sure you're holding back you're not going to be tough on president obama for instance, right? >> no, not at all. i'm not going to tell any jokes about him. >> i'm sure you're going to tell jokes but you wouldn't -- >> well, if you become too strident these things -- if it's not funny then it's not funny an

then you just look like a guy yelling at someone. >> right. >> it has to be funny before anything else. you have to be an equal opportunity make funner of which is a catchphrase that i -- and also proper english by the way funner. so if you don't make fun of everybody everyone is going to, hey, you didn't make fun of that guy. >> in the spirit of keeping things even once we wrapped our interview at the w, i joined joel as a guest on the set of the soup where cnn has been before. wolf blitzer took on the wiener gate story with his usual bearded tenacity. >> we've got chuck todd doing the cold open. >> deal with it tapper. >> no hard feelings after a bit of rehearsal with fellow guests, it was go time. >> tapper. >> todd. >> from the super's green screen

to the golden curtain of the correspondent's dinner, joe mchale seems ready to go up against anything. ja jake tapper, cnn, washington. >> thank you mr. tapper. new yorkers what's wrongs with me? new york's washington correspondent and cnn political commentator ryan. ryan we're having too much fun here it's almost like we're not working. how are you? >> i'm good. thanks for having me. i actually saw just joel down stairs with his three writers. i have to say he looks totally confident and ready to go. his three writers all were drinking heavily and sweating. >> did you get a chance to talk to him? >> i did yeah for about five minutes while we were waiting online and he seems like a little bit of a pregame jit certifies. jitters. we were talking about what this crowd is like basically they

have a very narrow range. you can't go too negative on the president or press because everyone gets a little sensitive but you also have to know the world of inside american politics to get a good laugh out of this crowd. we were talking about the comedians that have pulled it off over the years and the ones that haven't. he seemed very familiar with everyone's previous m performances. >> that was stephen cobert. people thought he went too far when it came to president bush. >> yeah, i mean i think you watch that act now and it's pretty funny but at the time i was in the room when he did that and i'll be honest there were a lot of people who both in the bush administration and a lot people in the press core who thought it wasn't in good taste that he went too far that he attacked everyone in washington but, you know, as you said, i doubt people who wauchb watched

in the real world thought that. i think it stands up pretty well if you go back and watch it now. >> i think the interesting thing is, you know, just being -- the longer you're on television the more people get to know you. you know this. everybody in the room knows that chbl . the longer you do this. the longer you're in the public eye you you have a sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously so i'm really surprised that they take themselves too seriously many of them. >> i will never forget the one that i went to in the mid-90s when bill clinton was in the middle of the monica lewinsky scandal. those were some brutal acts with bill clinton and his wife sitting there with comedians talking about the scandal. clinton, obviously he sat there and took it. that's sort of the rule you got to sit there and take it no

matter how harsh it gets. >> rie arngsyan, i understand y an entourage and you've been self yig it up. >> i took one picture. >> that is mindy kaling and who else are you with. >> it's small on your screen. >> and and zoey. >> tony gold win. he play the bad guy in ghosts. molly you're in danger girl. >> they were all very kind to us. i had to negotiate and bring them all together in this small space. >> so now that i've seen lapita's dress i understand why people are tweeting me saying you were wearing the matching bow tie to the dress. >> people are making fun of my bow tie on twitter saying it's

too fun. >> oh, your or mine. >> no, mine. i need you to come down here and dress me. >> it is twitter. they are talking about your bow tie, right. >> it's a little on the small side nobody got that. anyway, ryan lizzo, thank you. go back in and have fun. we appreciate you coming out. >> thanks for having me. >> all right. up next, comedian and former presidential speech writer ben stein how does the white house prepare for a night like this. he should know bitter than moet of us. [ female announcer ] who are we?

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all right we're back with cnn special coverage of the white house correspondent's dinner and joining me now is -- here in studio michelle collins she's a writer and comedian. also michael torpian an actor and writer and brett larson our tech analyst. also joining us is actor, humorist and economist ben stein also a speech writer for nixon and ford. the program is going get started in just a bit. if i have to cut you guys have, i have to apologize in advance. >> did you help prep speeches for the white house correspondent's dinner, i helped nixon and not ford. >> ben, how do you tell a president if his joke just is

not funny. if it's just not working? >> well, mr. mixon didn't really make up many of his own jokes. we had a few jokes for him. the main guy who was writing those was ray price. he was very funny. nixon had an incredibly good sense of humor. he didn't write them down but he had a very sense of humor. >> what do you advise president obama to stay away from tonight. >> i would stay away from anything involving foreign policy. i would consecentrate on the go things. he's had a very good time lately with the economy. i would concentrate on that. he's a likable guy. he's basically extremable lovable. this is a crowd prepped to love him. these are his people. they love him. >> even those who are there who don't love him they are still going to laugh at his jokes, right. >> without question. now, you could not ask for a

better marriage between speaker, comedian and audience then mr. obama and the washington president core. they love him. >> so i am going to bring my panel in. they may have questions for you as well. what we've been talking about too is this weird intersection between hollywood and washington and everyone sort of yucks it up when they get together in this crowd. republican, democrat, no matter what you are. >> well, they are happy to be there. i mean, it's a power place. i've been to it a number of times. by being there you show you're an important powerful person. you often show you're a rich person and everybody wants to be there. s if like the cool kids table in high school. the correspondent's dinner is the cool kid's table. >> michelle, this is a cool kid's table that you're sitting in and you're talking to ben stein. >> my dream in life was to have some of his money. >> well, ben stein has made some

very big mistakes and there's very little of it left so you're very kind. >> there's some chemistry between us. i'm just going to put that out there. >> you're the money advisor guy and you're saying you blew it ul and it's gone. >> i didn't blew it all but i could have more if i made a number of better decisions. >> what was it drinking? >> no. >> it was really simple. not buying enough berkshir berkshire hathaway. >> when he's not, we're eating d doritos on the set. this was our dinner tonight because it was making us hungry, here at your studio in l.a., we don't have anything. we have nothing. >> what? >> did you even have a make up

person? >> we had a make up person but i had to pay for her myself out of my own pocket. >> we got to go to the video. go to the video. here is what we're going to do. i got about 15, 20 minutes. everybody sit down. please be seated. please be seated. please, everybody, be seated. good evening everybody. please be seated. everybody please have a seat. have a seat. >> please, everybody have a seat. have a seat. >> please, everybody have a seat accept you guys. you guys can't sit. >> i don't really know what to do. do i save? just sit down everyone. please everybody have a seat. >> i'm so proud of you. you all sit down and rest your feet. >> ladies and gentlemen, we're going to continue our program. we're going to start tonight

with one of our favorite parts which is the warding of our wards for excellence in journalism so help us with that is a valued member of our board doug mills. a terrific photo journalist. a good friend, doug mills. >> good evening. the first award of the night is the audo bechman award. which recognizes repeated excellence in white house coverage. the winners is brianna keilar of cnn and politico.

>> the next award is the meriman swift memorial award which recognizes deadline work in both print and broadcast. the print winner is peter baker of the new york times. >> that's the ceremony and our brianna keilar got her award tonight and so we're very

excited for her. that wasn't the video we were talking about by the way. that video is coming up. i'm back with all of my guests. joining me on set is michelle collins, brett larson. with you were saying there mr. stein before we were so rudely interrupted by the white house correspondent's, why aren't you there. >> they didn't invite me. i'm not cool enough. i've been in the past but i'm not cool enough. i'm just uncool. i'm a nerdy uncool person part of the uncool crowd. >> i don't like to hear you talk about yourself that way, ben. i really don't. >> thank you, i wish i were cool. >> i live in l.a. if you want to show you the hot spots if you're around. >> i think i need a cooler car. >> like a chevy impaula or how cool are we going. >> i think the bentley convertible. usually the people at cnn are

given bentley convertibles as gifts. >> someone has played a cruel joke on me since ride the subway everyday. >> go ahead, ben. >> go ahead. >> i was going to say here in l.a. its different. we don't have a subway over to cnn we just have the bentleys coming back and forth from beverly hills to here. i don't know why i'm not at the dinner. i'm a very cool lost soul. >> should we call dr. drew here. we need an intervention. >> so what do you think the bulk of the jokes will be about because there's usually a theme right. it's usually about some running subject that's in the news, ben? >> well, there's so many subjects it could be about. it could be about the collapse of foreign policy. it could be about the recovery of the economy. there certainly will be lots of

donald sterling. that's very very unfortunate situation. that's a great idea. that is brilliant. >> i didn't see it but i saw her riding around on her roller skates saying she was going to be president of the united states and you know the way things are going, i can believe it, too. maybe she will be. >> i wish i bought stock in that sun solar advisor. i went online and bought two of them. one of my friends says it's going to be her haollow wean costume. here's my guess. i think there's going to be lots of web site jokes. we were trying to get the web site to work. >> new media jokes because mr. obama is a new media president. good point.

i probably should have learned how to do twitter and then maybe i'll get the cool kids table. >> hufionton would have offered you a column. she won't pay you but she would give you a column on her website. >> i don't think she would give me enough. i don't think she's one of my big fans. i wish she was but i don't think she is. god bless her anyway. i should have to got a twitter and got that bentley that was promised to me years ago. i do have an extremely beautiful wife so that's sort of going -- >> okay. what are we proving here. what are we talking about. it's $75 for this hour of therapy. what was it like preparing for this in the white house? >> very intense hard work.

white house speech writers work like demones. they are like flogged children in a novel. >> so they are going back and forth. >> you may want to scale that back. >> we got to go to the video. everybody quiet on the set. video. they are the watch dogs. of the historians, the daily observers of the white house, and unofficial assembly of journalists assigned to watch with clear eyes and break news. they are the white house correspondent's association. >> have you got aprn extra came in case the lights go out. >> the founding fathers wrote this job into the constitution.

freedom of the press is in there for a reason. >> why i have been having a wonderful time i gather in a both houses of congress have been having a wonderful time. >> i think the enduring principle remain that's we exist and work to keep the eyes of a free press on the government and on the president. >> sometimes you don't like the decisions i make and sometimes i don't like the way you write about the decisions. >> our role is very much on the ground. i view the voguassociation. w we view with a lot of loichblgi. >> one of the great things about our job is being there when history is being made. the evolution of the presidency has gone hand in hand with the evolution of the white house president association and the relation of the press to politics. the white house correspondent's

perform a vital service in letting folks know what the white house is all about. >> did you make a mistake in sending arms to terhran sir. >> i always try to put myself in their position. they had a difficult job to do and they needed a new story everyday and if i didn't give them one they would have one any way and sometimes it would be one that i didn't like but it was all part of the deal. >> with every president the relationship is constantly changing but there is an unchanging quest for the correspondent's association and its simple word, access. access. >> access. >> we have to continue to press for those doors and windows to remain open so you can see and see the account of history from an unbiased view. we're not through this period where there's a great contest between people who believe in the free exchange of ideas an the freedom of the press and the freedom to argue back. we can't go back to a more

pouralized world where someone can put the hammer down and this is the way it's going to be and you can't say anything differently if you try to i will cut you off or put you in jail. >> people need to be informed. >> there's always going to be governments who try to be a little bit more insulated it's important to try to push back on that. >> the correspondent's association is a good forum for reminding all reporters that they also work for the public. that they also have a responsibility to the american people. >> the press is a institutional part of the white house and should always be a institutional part. every government needs a watch dog. >> we need win or lose it's just a constant struggle. >> my best moment here is when my press conference ended. >> like so many of the struggles inside the belt way this one started as a turf battle in 1914 on capitol hill. >> all the press conferences in those days were dominated by the violence in mexico. the mexican revolution.

there was no controls on who attended those press conferences. the committee of correspondent's in congress tried to move in on the white house. >> they wanted to become the one that would help president wood row wilson start having regular press selecting who would attend. >> a select group of journalists, the white house correspondent's association was formed. >> looking back through history and looking at the picture, it's amazing how the group has involved. the group was started by a group of white men. >> franklin roosevelt was the first president to allow a black correspondent into a press conference. >> if february, 1944 judgist hairy mcalpin broke down the barriers becoming the first

white house correspondent. it's in his honor. they always have women in the press conferences. we would let them attend our dinner. the general attitude was that this was a stag effect. it was for men only. >> it was the sense that women journalists didn't belong. they weren't part of the boy's club. >> it wasn't until three women reporters wept to john f. kennedy and said we would like you to get into this dinner. >> tell them i'm not attending the dinner next year unless women are allowed to attend. all of a sudden it changed. >> how did it change. >> we do nothing but body jokes now. >> three hillarys that sounds like president clinton's worst nightmare. >> while 99% of the president correspondent's job is working the beat. there is one week where serious washington can make fun of itself. the white house correspondent's

dinner. >> we started the dinner in the 20s. >> they've done this before. >> of course it wasn't televised. it didn't have hollywood celebrities. it did have entertainers. we've had animal acts or jugglers. >> there would be somebody doing a gee i wish i were there animal impressions. >> now we have one entertainer. i was toying with the idea of having a juggler. >> it doesn't get much more exciting than in a. >> what is the key to navigating the treacherous and icy waters of washington. >> i'm going to wing it. improvise it a lot and see what happens. >> there's basically three models those who do the politics and get it right. that's rare. >> is there anybody who i'm excited to roast. well, if putin is there. >> boy i could say something really dirty but i probably shouldn't. >> and there's people who avoid the politics like the plaque. >> i'm not a political comedian.

>> if a political guy, yes, i am definitely into politics that's why i work at the e network. washington comedy is unlike any comedy. you're supposed to keep it clean and self dep lirecatindeprecati >> did you know that the president will be there? >> yeah, the president will be there -- of the united states. >> yeah, and not only that, he's opening for you. >> and it's note only the place for entertainer to shine, it's the place where a president can bring down the house giving as good as he gets. >> known as the prom of washington d.c., a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom. >> presidents will immediately think, well, this is a chance to make fun of the press. >> this goes with the territory. >> that's not what you do. you make fun of yourself. you got to show you can take it.

>> it's not ease dwry to do sta comedy at one of these dinners. i thought they were fun i looked forward to it. >> jay leno is there. together we give hope to gray haked chunky baby boomers together. >> we don't want people to be insulted. we want them to be teases. don't make fun of the press because they can't take it. they are thin skinned and they don't want to hear it. >> laughter aside, the first and foremost mission of the correspondent's association dinner is to promote journalism, education through the scholarship fund. >> your attendance tonight allows us to give back to these students. we appreciate it. >> as this dinner has grown and grown, over the years it's actually generated more revenue for this very important scholarship. >> obviously the main reason we're there is for the scholarships and to help people.

they are all remaerkable folks full of energy. >> we want to welcome curtis mccloud. having something like this scholarship it gives them hope. >> the wca provided such an amazing experience to me. i am really thankful to them for the scholarship and experience. >> there's still a future of journali journalism. >> i hope they will be around for another hundred years. >> whether it's twitter or the typewriter, the correspondent's association continues to deliver its message, covering the white house, standing centering, sending out the news in an everchanging media landscape. >> year in, year out, we've dealt with a lot of changes on this. we've seen the start of radio. we've seen television in press conferences first by eisenhower and then john frks k. kennedy. we have seen internet in the

clinton years. >> hello, what do you want? >> we've seen social media. that's expoloded in the last for or five years. >> once thing i often say is that speed kills because we are racing faster and faster to get raw information in front of the public. it's created a situation where reporters are under such stress and pressure from their editors to get it fast and first, reporters can't pause. they can't waste. te can't digest anymore. they can't be as thorough as they used zwro. >> now we're dealing with multiple time zones everything is in real time and we're all working faster, trying to produce more. the questions we ask are still the same. i think it's important that there's a hotchpotch of voices of reporters here because it's not just all about that one story, it's about various stories around the world and in this nation and that brings together this one group. >> hope that 100 years from now when we're celebrating the next

an vae anive yaersary of our association, the dissemination of the news will change. >> what's absolutely clear is our democracy doesn't work. if you don't have that interaction then you don't really have a true democracy even though i don't always admit it. i appreciate it that they are there. >> all right. that was the video. what was that? i didn't laugh one time. >> we get it. you're a journalist. capital j. >> it felt like ken burn's white

house correspondent's dinner. i was expecting civil war letters to be writ gene are we off the mark. weren't you expecting something funny, the white houses press correspondent's. congratulations. they are ego maniacs. i think this is the hidden story. we're dealing with a bunch of the premadonna ego maniac who's do not like to be criticized or corrected. that's why you're not there. >> then they will be -- >> when was the last time you saw one of those people subjected to any kind of moral scrutiny. it's an interesting thing. there's an awful lot going on in these people's lives and we don't know about. >> okay. >> that's a good point. >> my sources -- i'm sorry my sources are telling me this isn't confirmed jeff goldbloon ate his dinner with his bare

hands. not confirmed. >> he is there. >> he can eat my dinner with his bare hands. you all know. >> what network this? >> at least this is entertaining. god. >> we weren't looking for the laughs. we were like, everybody wake up. >> this is like tmz, this show is really most like tmz it's like following cool people well paid people, people who's face is familiar to you going shopping on rodeo driver. that's about how much interest will be in it until there obama begins his speech and then he will be very funny. i'm sure mr. mchale will be very funny but to see them hanging around slapping each other on the back and produce their journalism press slapping them on the back, that's not funny. it's sad. sorry. >> wow. >> why don't you say how you really feel sometimes. he's wondering why he's not

invited can you ever go too far. we've been talking about that. we've been talking about cobert. a happen of people were not happy. he got the last laugh though. he's the big guy on the block. >> sure you can go too far. there should be some rule of gentility and restraint. the president is a human being who has skin. he has feelings. he has sensitivities. everyone -- i've only known two of them well. they were trying their best to do their best. in the case of mr. nixon he made terrible mistakes but they were always trying to do their very best. their feelings are hurt when you call them names. you may think he's the best. he doesn't care if they call them names. they care a lot when journalists call them names. there should be restraint unless it's really merits. they are people. >> i'm sorry if i ever said anything mean.

we are all people. we are human. we have skin. >> but it's true, they have -- they really are very sensitive. they are families are sensitive. their families still suffer. i think the people that i admire most in the world is julie eisenhower. i think she still suffers from what happened to their family during water gate and it's been 40 years. so these are people. i mean all of these are people. >> super skilled name drop. that was eased in. >> that was a name you haven't heard for a while, i suspect. >> i think i follow her on twitter. just kidding. are. >> is that a name drop or a humble drag. >> it's like a little bit of both that's why it was so brilliant. >> it's not a name drop or humble drag but my point is you can't do much damage to a white house correspondent. who is out there calling white house correspondent's name saying they screwed up world peace or screwed up the kmecono

and caused soldiers to lose their lives. nobody. but they say it about the president. i knew lynninden johnson a litt bit too. he really suffered when people criticized him over being a killer in vietnam. he was really in pain about it a lot. >> when they are sitting there in this room and people are making fun of them over something that may be very personal to them are they really laughing inside. they may be laughing on the outside lots of teeth but what's going on on the inside. >> i think they have real feelings. it's an interesting thing somebody said to me once about the very famous billionaire, what does he care he's a billionaire and somebody else said, well, does the king care when someone calls him an idiot. these people are genuine. i keep saying this over and over again. i haven't felt a person who haven't have feelings. maybe mr. putin doesn't have feelings. everybody has feelings and i

think -- >> and that chest is all feelings in here. >> i would love to see an event where the politicians start roasting the journalists. i would love to see an event where the republican national committee if they could ever find -- >> but ben joel mchale or whoever the comedian is, they will hit the press sometimes and the president always hits pack at the press at these events. >> but that's true nobody hits them in the same way. nobody is calling the press baby killers or liars. >> but they don't do this at that event. >> you're right. they don't do this at that event. you're right. and the president is very well aware that these people are in the room there can make him look like an idiot or they can make him look good and they are kind of scared of the president. the president is scared of the press. >> like, are we on television

right now? is this actually happening? no, we've not been drinking. no, i haven't been. i don't know about you guys. maybe all the sugar in the food we just ate is making us giddy -- >> well, we didn't have any food here but look but it's a fun -- basically, it's a fun wonderful event. it's an event, i think it's uniquely american. we have a super powerful group of journalists. a super powerful group of politicians, industrialists, show business people are all getting together and laughing and scratching an not doing any particular harm to anyone. i think in the extent that they humble the president and make him sure he's being watched. i think it's a good thing. if they call him terrible names it's a bad thing. i think what they said in that incredibly not funny video is absolute hi, right. >> what about access after this if you hit the president too hard or maybe he looks out and

goes oh, jake tapper was really laughing hard at that joke. no more interviews for you. >> i don't think they would do that. i think everybody loves jake tapper. >> well, i was using hill as an example, on the other hand for hannity or o'reilly it would be bad news. >> okay. >> i don't think the white house slams the door on people who laugh hard at jokes at these dinners but on the other hand, these correspondents, you can't really shut the door on them. they are too important to have the door shut on them. there's a wonderful seen in the movie giant where james dean has become incredibly rich and also obnoxious. somebody said we should have killed him before rez too rich to kill. now the media is he too rich to kill. >> you have to respect him. this is going to be great. >> i thought that video was from the history channel. >> he joked -- we were talking

journalists he mentioned hannity and o'reilly. i was actually talking about real journalists. >> i was also going to say behind closed doors if you're going to interview the president no matter who you are there's got to be some, what's up you're the president when the cameras are not rolling. >> when you sit there -- there's john miccain. that's his daughter actually. >> people at home are like don, why can't you see. they don't realize tell them how small the monitors are. the monitor at home is not as big as your 65 inch television. >> what were we saying? we were talking about sit next to -- >> well, there's jake tapper building a bridge to governor christie. >> he was actually governor christie is jake tapper's guest for the evening. >> oh, sweep so he really was

building a bridge -- >> that was not funny. >> there's something -- do you really think the white house is more important in terms of day to day life in america or the press core. i think the press core in terms of the mood in the country is more important then the white house in terms of long term strategy of what the defense budget is going to be that's the white house but in terms of day to day mood, that's the media. >> you're absolutely right. say again. that's richard sherman. >> i thought my producer said the fed chairman but i'm sure allen green span is there with andrea mitchell. >> loif the pictuk i love the p secret service. there's april ryan with american

urban radio network and there's her obviously with the first lady. wearing a dress that's very similar to brianna keilars. >> it's very say yes to the dress. >> michelle obama always looks great. >> let's say you're sitting next to the president or first lady, you're like what am i going to talk about? >> joel mchale and michelle ebalm obama were sitting next to each other for hours their small talk must have gotten so deep and it ran an hour in and this got to like, do you have a dog or -- >> actually had that experience. i was the speaking at the congressional correspondent's dinner in 202008. i sat between mr. and mrs. bush, you do run out of small talk. i had an hilarious small talk about what country rips you would like to bomb if you wanted to bomb.

he was very funny. i will use it in my memoirs i will never use it now but he had some very funny lines. he's a witty guy. >> well, did finland make it. >> this is the mcalpine schol scholarship is what they are doing. that's what they are doing right now. i just wanted to undate y ed te that. they are giving out awards. these are awards that obviously many people are interested in. this is what the dinner is really about. giving awards. it's supposed to be to help people and want people who want to be journalists. >> maybe they should sell tickets and then they could really raise a lot of money for the scholarship fund because

there's an awful amount of wealthy people who want to be at this event and they could raise 10s of millions for this scholarship fund. >> defends on how much it costs. >> what about the bentley it's like you're giving me mixed signals right now. >> i would have to trade in the bentley if if they really want to raise money sell tickets for $100,000 each. they could sell them. >> doritos and bentley did not pay for any advertisement on this program. >> we keep mentioning them. >> one on one small talk. >> they talked about where they got their tips done. >> i do think in all seriousness though, ben, that's not a bad idea to sell tickets to this event and you could probably raise a lot of money for some kids who need it or whatever charity you want to give it to.

>> the second it's less exclusive, if you allow a wealthy person to come in, kills the whole thing. >> what about the if the tickets are a million dollars each. >> even worse. >> oh, you think that there aren't enough obnoxious rich people in their audience. >> oh, believe me in they are head it's like they are invited. >> it's funny we're sitting here with ben stein. ben, i mean it in the funniest way, huffington, you formed four ore five past presidents. linden johnson. >> ben don't you think that my dream host, done rickles, if we really want to get keep with this crowd and insult, you got to bring in a ledged. i >> i think he could have been --

jimmy kimmel was fantastic. i think he's the funniest guy in the world right now. i don't just say that because i gave him my side kick on my show. he's a really really smart guy. they should have him year after year. >> >> i knew i liked you because out of all the guys out of all the new people who are out there starting their own shows or whatever, it's not that i dislike them, jimmy kimmel is the best bone of them. he's the funniest. his show should be number one. >> he's greatest. >> he's wit is really quick. jimmy fallon is very talented. he does impersonations or whatever but jimmy kimmel there's something about kimmel that's carson esk to me. >> he's a good friend too. if you're in trouble you can count on him. there's been times when i was in terrible trouble and going crazy and i contacted him and he said

whatever i can do to help you, i will help you. he's a really great guy. >> he's also a guy of howard stern. i love stern. i listen to him everyday. >> he's incredibly funny and truthful. >> do you think they would love let howard stern do the roasting at this? >> too dirty. i think. i think it would be embarrassing because there would be too many tapes of him discussing sex in extremely explicit ways although maybe the country is changing. how long is it going to be until they have marijuana smoking at this dinner? there's a lot of -- >> how long, what are you talking about? hello, i know some people who are going. there's marijuana smoking going on there. >> here's the thing though. howard is on america's got talent now. howard knows how to conduct himself on a platform in an appropriate way. i think i would be appropriate. i think he would be funny. >> then it's great. >> what were you going to say about the pot smoking going on in the room.

>> i was going say there is a lot of talk about pot smoking for recreational use being legalized in the district of columbia people people will be liekting up big dupies dupies thing been my lifetime. i wonder what the smell is like right outside the valet parking where i am right now. >> this coming from a man who is in los angeles when i'm walking down the street in l.a., i smell marijuana. what are you talking about ben stein? >> i'm not saying -- i'm saying i think that's the future. i mean, i don't like it. >> ben, i have to cut off. a toast to the president, listen. >> the president of the united states of america. >> >> finally for me, i'd like to introduce the president of the united states by introducing the vice president of the united

states. >> hello? selena, what are you doing? oh, god, i thought you were the president. listen are you going to this dinner tonight. >> no, i'm not going man. i've been there once it's a bunch of politicians trying to explain politics to hollywood. its not worth it. exactly who wants to see david gregory crying in the corner all night. hey, do you want dcome and pick me -- yellow. seriously, yellow? get in the car.

if anybody is just looking, just check for me. >> no. i'm going to remember that. woah, woah, don't touch the desk. don't touch the desk. >> okay. >> okay. come on. let's get out and get something to eat. >> yeah. >> this is good. my grand daughters like the sprinkles. >> this is like the sweetest thing you can get in the executive branch. >> hey, guys. what are you doing? >> nothing. >> what's in your mouth? >> carrots? >> hey don't tell joe. >> haven't you guys listened to anything i said about healthy eating? >> thanned over. hand it over. you guys, come on, let's move.

>> busted. >> you can say that again. oh, it looks good. oh, i just forgot my purse so i'm sure there are raisins in here. it's a fruit plus it's more than they give you at that correspondent's dinner. let me tell you. plus i work out everyday. >> yeah, sure you do. >> i do, too. >> you want to arm wrestle. >> i don't really work out. >> yeah, i didn't think so. >> so where are we headed next? next? >> to the real seat of power. >> we can write a >> question write any headline we want. knock yourself out. >> go to it. >> the headline i'd like to write is selena myers sworn in as president but only in good time. yes, we can all look directly into the camera, kevin, the point is you're not supposed to.

♪ ♪ oh, hey, selena, hi, joe. what are you doing here. >> getting my tattoo done? you know the difference between a tattoo and the coke brothers? >> no. >> they are both painful but you can get rid of a tattoo. >> oh. all right, let's do it. >> i'm in. >> bring it on.

>> oh, yeah. bring it on. >> hey, j dog, are you going to this dinner thing tonight. >> well, hell no i'm not going there. i got important things going on in the capitol. >> oh, yeah, okay. right. thanks. >> you know what, joe, i'm going to need to go to the dinner. you see, the thing is, i'm not really the vp but you are. i'm an actress from hollywood. >> i know. so can you give me a ride. >> hey the secret service doesn't let me drive off the property. >> that makes no sense. >> you can get a cab. >> yeah. i got my dress and this hair thanks a million, joe. >> good luck. >> ♪ ♪

>> ladies and gentlemen, the president of the united states. >> thank you. thank you so much. thank you very much. thank you. thank you so much everybody please have a seat. have a seat. before i get started, can we get the new presidential set up out here?

♪ >> it's worked before. that's more like it. it is great to be back. what a year, huh? i usually start these dinners with a few self deprecating jokes. after my stellar 2013, what could i possibly talk about? i admit it, last year was rough. sheesh. at one point, things got so bad, the 47% called mitt romney to apologize. of course, we rolled out

healthcare.gov that could have gone better. in 2008 my slogan was kwe can, n 2013 my slogan was control\alt,/delete. on plus side, they did turn the launch of healthcare.gov into the year's biggest movies. but rather than dwell on the past, i would like to pivot to this dinner. let's welcome our headliner this evening, joel mchale. our community joel plays a self-obsessed narcissist so this

dinner may be a real change of pace for you. i want to thank you the white house correspondent's association for hosting us here tonight. i am happy to be here even though i am a little jet lag frommed from my trip to malaysia. the length we have to go to do get cnn coverage these days. i think they are still searching for their table. msnbc is here. they are a little overwhelmed. they've never seen an audience this big before.

look, everybody is trying to keep up with this incredibly fast changing media landscape. for example, i got a lot of grieve on cable news for promoting obamacare to young people between two furns. but that's what young people like to watch. and to be fair, i am not the first person on television between two potted plants. sometimes, i do feel disrespected by you reporters but that's okay. seattle sea hawk corner back richard sherman is here tonight. he gave me some great tips on how to handle it. jake tapper, don't you ever talk

about me like that. i'm the best president in the game. what do you think richard, was that good? a little more feeling next time? while we're talking sports just last month, a wonderful story, an american won the boston marathon for the first time in 30 years. which was inspiring and only fair since a kennion has been president for the last six. we had to even things out. we had some other athletes here tonight including olympic snow bolding medallist jamie anderson is here. we're proud of her. incredibly talented young lady. michelle and i wauchbed the

olympics we cannot believe what these folks do. death denying defeated. we haven't seen somebody pull a 180 that fast since rand paul disinvited that nevada rancher from this dinner. as a general rule, things don't end well if the sentence starts, let me tell you something, i know about the negro. you don't really need to hear the rest of it. just a tip for you. don't start your sentence that way.

speaking of rand paul, colorado legalized marijuana this year. an interesting social experiment. i do hope it doesn't lead to a whole lot of paranoid people who think that the federal government sout to get them and listening to their phone calls. that would be a problem. and speaking of conservative heroes, the coke brothers bought a table here tonight but as usual they used a shadowing right wing organization as a front. hello fox news. i'm just kidding. let's face it fox you'll miss me when i'm gone. it will be harder to convince the american people that hillary

was born in kenya. a lost of us really are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics, i remember when a superpact was just me buying marlboro 100s instead of regulars. of course now, that it's 2014 washington is obsessed on the midterms, folks are saying that with my sagging poll numbers my fo fellow democrats really don't want me campaigning with them. i don't think that's true. although i did notice the other day that sasha did need a speaker at career day and she invited bill clinton. i was a little hurt by that.

both sides are doing whatever it takes to win. the ruthless game republicans -- this is a true story. republicans actually brought in a group of consultants to teach their candidates how to speak to women. this is true. and i don't know if it will work with women but i understand that america's teenaged boys are signing up to run for the senate in droves. anyway, while guys focus on the horse race, i'm going to do what i do. i will be focused on everyday americans. just yesterday, i read a heart breakingler. you know, i got letters from folks around the country everyday. i get ten that i read. this one got to me. a virginia man who has been stuck in the same part time job for years. no respect from his boss. no chance to get ahead.

i really wish eric cantor who stop writing me. you can just pick up the phone eric. i'm feeling sorry believe it oernt for not for the speaker of the house as well. these days house republicans actually give john boehner a harder time than they do me which mean that's orange really is the new black. but i have not given up the idea of working with congress. in fact, two weeks ago, senator ted cruz and i got a bill done together and i have to say the

signing ceremony was something special. we got a picture of it, i think. washington seems more distinction dysfunctional then ever. grid lock has gotten worse than ever. what did we do so bad to miss off chris christie so bad? >> one issue for example we haven't been able to agree on is unemployment insurance. republicans continue to refuse to extend it. you know what, i am beginning to say they've got a point. if you want to get paid while not working, you should have to run for congress just like everybody else.

of course, there is one thing that keeps republicans busy, they have tried more than 50 times to repeal obamacare. despite that, 8 million people signed up for health care in the first open enrollment. which does lead one to ask, how well does obamacare have to work before you don't want to repeal it? what if everybody's cholesterol drops to 120. what if your yearly check up came with tickets to a clippers game not the old done sterling clippers, the new oprah clippers. would that be good enough? what is it going to take?

anyway, this year i've promised t to use more executive actions to get things done without congress. my critics call this the imperial presidency. the truth is i just show up everyday at my office and do my job. i got picture of this, i think. you would think they would appreciate a more asserted approach considering the new conservative darling is none other than vladimir putin. last year pat buchanon said putin is headed for the nobel peace prize. i know this sounds crazy but to be fair they give those to just about anybody these days so it could happen. but it's not just pat, rudy

juliani said put sen whin is wh call a leader. mike huckabee and shawn hannity keep talking about his chest which is kind of weird. look it up. they talk about it a lot. it is strange to think that i have just 2 1/2 years left in this office. every where i look there are reminders that i only hold this job temporarily. but it's a long between now and 2016 and anything can happen. you may have heard the other day hillary had to knowledge a flying shoe at a press conference.

i love that picture. regardless of what happened, i have run my last campaign and i'm beginning to think about my legacy. some of you know mayor rahm emanuel announced he's naming a high school in chicago off me. i'm more impressed to hear that rick perry is doing the same thing in texas. take a look. thank you, rick. it means a hlot to me. and i am going to enjoy all the free time that i will have. george p. bush took up painting off he left office which inspired me to take up my own

artistic side. i'm sure we got a shot of this. maybe not. the joke doesn't work without the slide. oh, well. assume that it was funny. does this happen to you, joe? >> it does, okay. >> on a more serious note, tonight reminds us that we really are lucky to live in a country where reporters get to give a head of state a hard time on a daily basis and then once a year give him or her the chance at least to try to return the favor. we also know that not only journalist or photographer or crew member is he so fortunate because even as we celebrate the free press tonight our thoughts are in places around the globe in ukraine and afghanistan and syria and egypt who risk

everything, in some cases, even give their lives to report the news. what tonight also reminds us is that the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance to ask a question. burdened by jim crow and once in washington banned from press conferences. then me met with the president himself to declare that a block reporter would give a credential. even as he was the first african-american to attend a presidential news conference he wasn't always welcomed by reporters who was ho was welcom bid the president who said i'm very happy to see you.

i'm glad to have you hear. hai hairy's battles continued but he made history. we're so proud of sherman and his family for being here tonight and the white house correspondent's association for creating the scholarship in his name. for over 100 years even as the white house correspondent's association has told the story of america's progress, you've lived it too. gradually allowing equal access to gays and americans with disabilities and minorities and yes television and internet reporter as well. through it all you've helped to make sure as societies change our fundamental commitment to the interaction between those who governor and those who ask questions doesn't change. as jay will attest it's a legacy you carry on enthusiastically

every single day. because this is the 100th anive ers vaer of the association. i actually recorded a brief video thanking all of you for your hard work. can we run the video. >> congratulations. >> what's going on? >> i was told they would work. does anybody know how to fix this? oh, thank you. you got it? >> got this. i see it all the time. there. congratulations to the white house correspondent's association. here is to 100 more terrific years. thank you very much everybody, god bless you. god bless america and thank you kathleen sabilis.

>> now that was funny. >> that was good stuff. >> he killed. ben stein, are you there. >> i'm sorry with the greatest possible respect, the only funny part of it was when he said assume that was funny when the power point didn't work, right? i didn't think any of the rest of it was funny. i'm sorry. >> i think that was funny. orange is the new black. killer as we start your speech with the negro -- here is joel mi mchale. >> all right everybody here we go. i am the last person standing between you and your afterparty so in just an hour and 15 minutes you'll be walking out of here all right. i will break jay leno's record tonight. strap in. here we go. good evening mr. president, or as paul ryan refers to you yet another inner city minority

relying on the federal government to feed and house your family. i'm a big fan of president oe baux obama. i think he's one of the all time great presidents definitely in the top 50. president explain that to jessica simpson. you're right. that was low. all right. how about the president's performance tonight everyone? it is -- it's amazing that you can still bring it with fresh hilarious material and my favorite bid of yours was when you said you would close the defend detention facility at gauntanamo bay. that was hilarious. i would like to take a moment to recognize the first lady. mrs. obama you'll be very kind to me and my family especially

when you showed us how to tear a phone book in half with your hands. i would also like to thank the white house correspondent's association for having me and for not being able to book jimmy fallon. that's true. all right. look, i know it's been a long night but i promise that tonight will be both amusing and overquickly just like chris christie's presidential bid. i got a lot of these tonight so buckle up governor christie. excuse me. extend or buckle up. all right. oh, i deserve that. i agree on that one you're right on. now, allow me to tell you a little about myself. my name is joel mchale i'm on an nbc show called community. that's exactly what i thought. i also host a show called the soup which is on the e network,

thank you. to republicans in attendance, e is the channel that you're deeply closeted gay son likes to watch. democrats it's the same channel that your happy openly gay son likes to watch. it's also home to the kardash n kardashians who believe it or not are republicans and i know that because they are always trying to screw black people. yeah, now just the men. okay. it's an honor to be here tonight at the washington hilton. i'm tingling with excitement or maybe that's just the bed bugs. i hope you all enjoyed your dinner. the fella tonight was grass fed beef freshly dragged off the

bundy ranch. you like cliven bundy. let it be known. let the record know. tonight's show is being broadcast on c span. it is like one of those paranormal activity movimovies. it's just grainy shots of empty rooms interrupted by shots of people you're pretty sure die aid few years ago. oh, and stay tuned after the correspondent's dinner for an all new episode of c span's hit show so you think you can remain conscious? >> very competitive. this is the 100th year of the white house's important association. yes, 100 years ago cnn was only searching for the wright brothers plane. it is a tradition dating back to

1920. back then this event was only for men. it's true. there's a sign in the lobby commemorating the very first ever total sausage fest #total sausage fest but that's all changed. now america is truly a land of diversity. only here would you find a black president. a soon to be hispanic majority and all 19 nationals contained within huffington's accent. >> that was low. >> it's a genuine thrill to be here in washington. city that started the whole crack smoking mayor craze. you guys were the first. i hope he's not here tonight. people say that toronto mayor rob ford is a clumsy mess but he can't help it. he's a big guy. he's like a bull in a crack pipe

shop between rob ford, justin bieber and ted cruz, you just want to tell canada, hey, relax, we already have a florida. ted cruz proposed a government shut down to protest the affordable care act and everyone else in congress decided to go along with it sim flply to get e time away from ted cruz. the tea party is anti-socialism and anti-immigration. so it makes since that their hero is a cuban from canada. poigna poignant. the vice president isn't here tonight not for security reasons. he just thought this event was being held at the dullos airport apple bees. right now he's elbow deep in jalapeno poppers and talking to a construction kroen cone he ths

john boehner. also true. >> it's crazy to think that joe biden is only 1 heartbeat away from any one taking him seriously as president. sorry for that one. biden will likely be running for president in 2016 saying and i quote, there's no obvious reason not to. he talks about his motivation for a presidential run as if he's deciding to finish a meatball hogey. hey, it's there, isn't it. look all i'm saying if the bread is toasty and the cheese is warm i'm going to finish that thing. jill bring me my hogey bib. no, not that one, the fancy one. >> hillary clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate. she has experience. she's a natural leader and as our first female president, we could pay her 30% less.

that's a saving this country could use. who's with me? hillary's daughter chelsey is pregnant which means in nine months we will officially have a sequel to bad grandpa. it also raises the question, when the baby is born, do you give bill clinton a cigar? you guys fell like you're on the a roller coaster right now. there's a heated race on the republican side. they are all battling to see who will over the gop base and more importantly who gets to apply turtle wax to his scooter. ted bush says he's thinking about running. wow another bush might be in the white house. is it every time for every 10 years a surprise party in iraq?

as it stands right now the republican presidential nominee will either be gentlemened bush, rand paul or a bag of flower with ran old reagan's face on it. a bag of flour. people will asking will donald trump run again and the answer is does that thing on his head crap in the woods. ? i actually don't know. i don't know if that thing on his head has a digestive system so -- speaking of digestive sift edges chris christie is here. he's actually here tonight. wow. sir you are a glutton for punishment christie's

administration canceled the train and they blocked the george washington bridge final lay politician willing to stand up to america's commuters. governor do you want bridge jokes or size jokes. i got a bunch of both. i could go half and half. i know you're like a combo platter. i'm christie. i didn't know i was going to tell it but i take full responsibility for it. whoever wrote it will be fired. but the buck stops here so will be a man and own up to it just as soon as i get to the bottom of how it happened because i was unaware until it happened until just now. i'm appointing a blue ribbon commission of me to investigate the joke i just told and if i find any wrong doing on my part, i assure you i will be dealt with. i just looked into it. it turns out i'm not responsible for it. justice has been served.

he's going to kill me. mr. president, you're no stranger to criticism. ted nugent called you a subhuman mongrel. it's comments like that which really make me question whether we can take the guy who wrote that song seriously anymore. your approval rating has slipped and even worse you only got two stars on yelp. mitch mcconnel said his number one priority was to get the president out of office so mitch, congrats on being just two years away from realizing your goal. you did it. kind of. mr. president, your harshes critics have compared you to joseph stalin, hitler and even

sate satan. i have to say that those comparisons are outrageous you look older than those guys. just because morgan free man has play aid president a couple of times it doesn't mean you have to look just like him. you are healthy every single year. it's good to see that white house press secretary and boy detective jay carney is here. it's a big night for jay. i haven't seen him this nervous since the president told him look go out there and tell them the web site is broken. they'll understand. that actually probably was a

moment. mr. president, you have to admit and you already have the launch of healthcare.gov was a disaster. it was so bad. it was bad. look, i don't even have an analogy because the website is now the thing people use to describe other bad things. they say stuff like oh, i shouldn't have eaten that sushi. i was up all night healthcare.goving. boy that latest johnny depp movie really healthcare.goved at the box office. oh, look at my new rug did the dog dids healthcare.gov on it. but thanks to obamacare or as the president refers to it, me care, millions of newly ensured young americans can visit a doctors office and see what a print magazine actually looks like. that's awesome.

new over 8 million people have signed up for obamacare which sounds impressive until you realize ashley tiztale has 12 million twitter followers so it's really good. so there's a lot going on in the world right now. there's a mad man who's had plastic surgery running around annexing small countries in eastern europe and all i keep thinking is what the held is brush jenner doing in crimea? do they even get that show there. but sir, i do think you're making a big mistake with putin. you have to show a guy like that that you're just as crazy as he is. russia takes back ukraine, america takes back texas. something to think about. julia pearson, the new director of the secret service is here

tonight. yeah. under her leadership, secret service agents no longer consort with prostitutes thanks to their new too drunk to make it to the broth el program. i'm sure she loves that. the director of national ij intelligence james clapper is here. finally, i can put a face too the mysterious voice clearing its throat on the other end of the phone. it was weird. so prepare for tonight, i have been watching a lot of cable news. i am a big fan of that lesbian on msnbc chris hays. he's great. yeah, i agree. msnbc is a confusing place. i mean al sharpton is their skinny guy. cnn is desperately searching for something they've been missing for months, their dignity.

totally. that was just that table. at this point, cnn is like the radio shack in a sad strip mall. you don't know how it stayed in business this long, you don't know anyone that shops there, and they just fired pierce morgan. thank you. >> fox news is the highest rated network in cable news. yeah. i can't believe your table is up that far. it's all thanks to their key demographics the corporations of old people who tuned in fox news and haven't yet been discovered. former inside edition host bill o'reilly is not here. he did host that. bill has another book coming out soon so he's plmaking his ghost writers work around the clock.

o'reil o'reilly, megan kelly and shawn hannity are the mount rushmore of keeping old people angry. this event brings together washington and hollywood. it has been a long and fruitful one. you give us tax credits for film and television production in turns we bring jobs to american cities like vancouver, toronto, and vancouver again. hollywood helps america by projecting a heroic image to the rest of the world. we just released another movie about captain america or as he's known in china, captain who owes us $1.1 trillion. there's a lot of celebities here tonight. they are the ones that don't look like ghoules. look around. the cast of veep is here. that's a series about what would happen if a seinfeld store

landed on another good show. i love the new adventures of old christine, i swear. the folks from duck dynasty had a very challenging year. the grandfather on that show made homophobic and racist comments but people are overlooking another issue, he really hates ducks. house-cards has had a huge impact on washington. what a great show. i haven't seen a southern senator give a performance like that since lynnedy gram played blance in a street car named desire. >> lindsey if you're here now you can drop character any time. i'm not going to spoil the shocking twist on house of cards but just know that it was so surprising that nancypelosi's face almost changed expression. did you like that one nancy?

i can't tell. all right like to congratulate jared leto who is had here tonight on his oscar and to the republican senator who asked to be introduced to quote, that hot chick from dallas buyers club. you're in for a very interesting evening. richard sherman has already had an impact on tonight's event. he's intercepted all three of tim tebo's attempts to pass the dinn dinner rolls and russel wilson is also here from my super bowl champion seattle sea hawks. manning wants to be tonight but he can only mover four yards at a time. you're right he's not here to defend himself. legendary actor robert deniro is here tonight everyone. now, i don't do a deniro impression but i do an

impression of his agent. are you ready? here it is. ready? ring ding, he will do it. mr. denire, i was in spy kids four so clearly i'm beyond reproach so. i will see you on the set of spy kids five, i'm sure. ed founder of twitter is here. so if any of you congressman want to cut out the middle man just show him your penis. not now. are you nuts? okay. those are any warm up jokes. i'm kidding. i'm kidding. i want to leave you tonight with a bit of a pep talk. america has seen her share of challenges but as my agents told me when i booked an nbc sit come, hey, things could be

worse. now have you watched the news? not cnn, i mean like the news? it's really bad in other places. by comparison, america is doing great. i mean this year after months of heated debate and concontroversy e controversy we achieved something that will impact the health of millions. we brought back twinkies. we're no longer the fattest country in the world. now mexico is. but don't worry we'll be number one again as soon as they call come over here. what is what's our biggest concerns as americans. tv show spoilers in other countries a spoiler consists of, i haven't been back to the village yet so don't tell me who survived the drone strike. no spoilers. america still has amazing technological innovations. google glass has hit the market now just be walking down the

street we will know exactly who to punch in the face. in america, we see gluten and peanuts as threats to our kids. in other countries, gluten and peanuts are the nicknames of war lords who have child armies so we're better. america is doing just fine guys. how do i know that? because we're making a fourth movie about trucks that turn into giant robots. and why are they making a transformer four? because there's still so much story left to tell. so chin up everyone, this country is still number one in the all important categories of cream stilled pastries, face computers and robot trucks. education, the economy, and the environment, hey, we'll get them next time. here is why america is the best country in the world. a guy like me can stand before the president, the press e and patrick duffy, and tell jokes

without severe repercussions instead of being shipped off, i'm going to the vanity fair afterparty. that's right. this is america. where everyone can be a buriot. this is one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me in my entire life. thank you mr. president, thank you obama. and thank you white house correspondent's dinner and thank you c span viewer. goodnight everybody. thank you. [ speaking in a foreign language ] ♪

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